Several ex-gay survivors – people who went through ex-gay therapy but ultimately found it unsuccessful and came out as gay – have been profiled recently by various media outlets. Jacob Wilson, Vince Cervantes, and Daniel Gonzales have been interviewed by Edge Magazine, a gay magazine in Boston, MA. In the article they talk about reasons they went into ex-gay treatment and what harm it did them. 23-year-old Bryce Faulkner’s disappearance into the ex-gay world sparked all sorts of debates about how possible coercion by his conservative Christian family may have played a role in his decision to enter into an ex-gay ministry. Faulkner is clearly a legal adult in America but it was acknowledged that financially he is still dependent on his family’s help. Wilson, who was also a legal adult when he voluntarily entered an ex-gay program, describes the pressure he felt that drove him to the decision:
Jacob Wilson, now 23 and living in Ames, Iowa, was 19 when he left his family and friends behind to enter a Love in Action camp in Memphis, Tenn., hundreds of miles from his then-home in Missouri. He was part of the camp during the same time 16-year-old Zachary Stark received national attention for being forced to attend a similar camp.
Though Wilson denies being forced into the program, he said coercion still had an impact on his decision. His pastor encouraged him to apply for the program once other members of his congregation found out he’d been dating an area preacher. His parents helped foot the bill for the program.
“When I told my parents I was gay, they didn’t take it well, to say it lightly,” Wilson said. “They were all for [the camp] if it could fix me so they encouraged me.”
“I was at the lowest point in my life, the most depressed I’d ever been,” he continued. “I realized, once I got into the program, that this was a common theme. They had all lost everything that’d meant something to them.”
Cervantes, who was interviewed by XGW last year, entered into ex-gay therapy without his family’s knowledge. He even consented to an exorcism, but realized nothing was going to change his sexual orientation. He will appear in an episode of the “Tyra Banks Show” in the fall, where he talks about his experiences.
Daniel Gonzales, who has made videos about his experiences in ex-gay therapy that have been viewed hundreds of thousands of times, describes taking the “secular” ex-gay route under NARTH‘s Joseph Nicolosi.
“The idea was that the same-sex attractions were caused by a broken sense of masculinity and lack of self-confidence. You’re attracted to other guys embodying the characteristics you’re lacking,” Gonzales described. “When you’re so desperate to try and change, you’re willing to believe it.”
James Stabile, who made news after claiming to be “cured” of his homosexuality after participating in a “Purity Siege,” was touted by the 700 Club as a success story. He later came out as gay and apologized for his appearance on the show.In an interview with Dallas Voice, he talks about his three month experience at Pure Life Ministries, where he staged a kiss with another man in his therapy group so that he could be kicked out. He announced on June 20th that he was starting “Love Actually,” a local community that gives people leaving ex-gay programs a place to go and feel welcome.
Wilson, Cervantes, Gonzales, and Stabile all found a welcoming place at the online Beyond Ex-Gay community. Former ex-gay Peterson Toscano reports that Beyond Ex-Gay co-founder Christine Bakke has been working on a social networking portion of the site to better connect people recovering from ex-gay therapy. Toscano has also stated that thanks to ex-gay survivors, many mainstream media sources have been taking notice of the ineffectiveness of such “therapy.”
The growing ex-gay survivor movement has drastically altered the way in which all of the media cover ex-gay stories. Previously, a typical news piece would begin with the question, “Can gay people change?” and then go on to offer a point-counterpoint debate on the issue. Now, with so many ex-gay survivors telling their stories on-line, there’s been a shift in the handling of ex-gay stories. One recent story began with the more skeptical opener, “Some faith-based programs say that they can cure gays and lesbians,” and went on to describe how one woman’s life was almost destroyed by ex-gay therapy.
Since the emergence of the ex-gay survivor movement, mainstream media outlets such as The New York Times, Glamour, People, The Times of London, Good Morning America, and The Tyra Banks Show have all done stories that featured ex-gay survivors. Meanwhile, spokespeople for ex-gay programs have been forced to publicly admit that making a gay person straight is not actually possible, and now they’re on the defensive as they face questions about the potential harm that can result from their programs.
Thanks for this inspiring update upholding “the truth will set you free”.
This month, Free Speech TV (channel 9415 on Dish Network) is running a one hour film called Cure For Love~~it’s a series of interviews on this very topic~the film features people who came out a second time after realizing that “ex-gay” doesn’t work.
They very movingly share their stories.
I think it’s just a little silly to talk about ex-gay “survivors”, as though ex-gay therapy usually resulted in death.
Aaron, I don’t see why it’s silly at all. People often talk of rape survivors, or survivors of various other forms of abuse or violence. These also don’t necessarily result in death.
I may be mistaken, but it sounds like you’re trying to dismiss or belittle the all too real psychological violence that can be done in these so-called “therapies”.
Besides which, sometimes these “therapies” sadly do result in death, generally by suicide. So overall I’d say survivor is a pretty appropriate term here.
Survival is about overcoming whatever life may throw at you, not just cheating death.
Yes, Lurker, I agree. I think that an analogy may be useful here. People sometimes describe themselves as survivors of child sexual abuse. I take them to be implying two things by this description:
(1) that, although they have been damaged by the experience, they haven’t done themselves in; and
(2) that they are determined to pick up the pieces and not to let the experience ruin their lives.
I have yet to hear anyone have the impudence to suggest that their description of themselves is “just a little silly as though child sexual abuse usually resulted in death.”
I can’t read minds either, but yes, it does sound as though that is exactly what Aaron is trying to do.
Aaron N,
Do you have some sort of connection to the ex-gay industry?
I remember online exchanging with a high school senior from Carthage, Missouri.
He was dead set in what he knew about gay people. Most of it Biblical, or coming from Paul Cameron.
So I asked him something simple I ask anyone with anti gay tendencies.
1. If he didn’t know about blacks, would he get his education from non blacks and anti blacks and consider himself well informed, truthfully and empirically educated?
What would HE think of someone who was a non Jew, or anti Semitic, but NEVER consulted with any Jews about Jewish life or history?
So why, given that there are gay kids, perhaps even a gay teacher in his school, but he chooses to consult non gay, anti gay people for his information about gay people, doesn’t he consider a gay person a reliable source for education, as he would someone black on BEING black?
I really gave him a hard time, and by the way, he never answered that question either.
If it were a matter of not having an opportunity, or if he questioned someone, he could sense intellectual disconnect and dishonesty (as I did with ex gays for example), I might understand.
But his FB site was blowing up with gay people making a contribution, and he blew them all off as incapable of telling the truth and proceeded to try and lecture the gay folks on their own lives.
This is ONE subject (the LGBT) where I’ve seen a reversal of who is expert on what and who lectures who.
And it’s the damndest and stupidest thing I’ve ever had to witness.
That’s when straight folks TRULY embarrass THIS straight woman. Don’t straight folks know how ridiculous they look and sound doing that?!