Mike Airhart made a great point in the comments of the article about Dr. Austin.
XGW did not decide Austin was guilty; a Texas jury did…
David Roberts made another interesting observation.
I continue to be amazed at the Svengali like ability Mr. Austin seems to have over some people.
As a former client, I have some thoughts I would like to present regarding Dr. Austin’s conviction. First, I’ve had nothing but wonderful experiences with therapy under his care. People are consistently amazed by the perseverance and grace I’ve demonstrated during and after my marriage to Tdub. I say this not to boast, but as a direct compliment to Dr. Austin, who was instrumental in bringing me to such a place. He helped me maintain that demeanor over the course of several years; he is a gifted therapist.
However, I’ve come to realize that Dr. Austin is a very confused man, and I wonder privately if there may be more going on there. I’ll not make any wild claims about his state of mind, but I’ve seen the “Svengali” at work over a long period of time, and I’ve been friends or acquainted with many of his ex-gay clients. Our home was once a popular location for the ex-gay barbecues we sometimes joke about here at XGW. Because of those sorts of relationships, formed outside the realm of the counseling center, I was privy to a bit more of the inner-workings and dynamics of the group. I believe Dr. Austin is a master manipulator; gifted therapist, most definitely – master manipulator, unfortunately so.
It’s taken me quite some time to believe it, but the final “nail in the coffin” came after the break-up of my marriage to Tdub. One of our first concerns was appropriate therapy for our sons. We initially believed that Dr. Austin would be a good choice to help the boys through the transition of our family break-up as well as Tdub’s coming out. This is when we began to learn just how manipulative he had been. For reasons I won’t detail, and by people I won’t name, we were strongly cautioned against allowing our boys to enter therapy with him. We received this information from individuals with first-hand experience, and telling us placed them at great personal risk by also divulging their dalliances with Dr. Austin. To my knowledge, none of these particular indiscretions have been part of any of the trials or investigations to date.
I think it important to realize that one’s experience and level of trust with a man like Dr. Austin can only be used to evaluate one’s own relationship with him. It says nothing about his overall capability for damaging the lives of others. I personally have nothing against him. Even Dr. Austin’s extremely unorthodox practices, detailed in Part II of my series on ex-gay therapy, weren’t harmful to me. On the other hand, the fact that he pushed the boundaries of whatever guidelines may exist, either written or unwritten, among ex-gay therapists, certainly doesn’t improve my view of him at this point. The bottom line is this; I’m not going to abandon common sense and sound reason just because I wasn’t victimized by him myself.
If by some incredible long shot Dr. Austin was wrongly convicted, I feel confident he’ll be fine. He did, after all, instruct me in all sorts of Biblical truth which continues to sustain me during desperate times. I wish him Godspeed, either way.
To the writer of the above article.
I’d like to thank you for the gracious words you wrote about your experiances with Dr. Chris Austin. Although terrible things seemed to have happen under his care you did not choose to lash you but instead let those in authority take care of the choices he may have made.
I went to a Christian counselor when i was in high school to seek freedom from my homosexuality. It turned out that he struggled as i had and so the relationship… or i should say, professional relationship seemed to work well. Similar to Mr Austin my therapist took advantage of the intimacy and vulnerability of our sessions and came on to me.
What he did wasnt right and he was reported But like yourself i struggle what to do with the good things this man had helped me with. Was i to dismiss all the progress i had made because this man lacked self control? I chose to forgive instead. I confronted him in person, head on because i was able to see that if i held bitterness it would only tear MYSELF apart.
The man was genuinely sorry for his actions and apologized to me during our meeting. Right now I’m an openly gay man, my former counselor is married to a woman and remains in practice, but Its my prayer that God will continue to work in his life in radical ways. Its out of my hands and into Gods… thats a pretty good place for a problem to be!
Thanks again for taking the high road!
Mike
Beautifully spoken, as usual, Pam.
Michael, you wrote the following:
My immediate answer to that question would be a resounding “Never!” I think it’s unfortunate that we as a society allow the “bad” of a given situation to cancel out whatever “good” may have also come out of it. We live in a world where these things co-exist all too often, and I think it’s important that we consider which we choose to focus on. Personally, I think it’s best to focus on the good while not ignoring the bad. And it sounds to me that you came to much the same conclusion in regards to what happened in your life.
I pray that everyone whose lives were affected by Chris Austin are able to come to that same place.
Thanks for sharing.
I’m so inept at manipulatinng others, it never was part of my counseling. I had to rely on helping people appreciate the reality of the situation they were in, providing them with options and their consequencies and letting them take it from there.
Yet isn’t helping people learn to make informed decisions on their own a purpose of therapy?
When some suggest that ex-gay counseling may be needed for the rest of one’s life, there’s something rather untheraputic about that.
Pam, you do such a great job of handling this issue with grace and thoughtfulness. Very nice work.
Pam, thank you for openly sharing your perspective on Dr. Austin. I imagine that it is difficult to simultaneously credit and question someone — especially in a sensitive counselor-client relationship.
I can relate to manipulative ex-gay counseling experience. I imagine most willing ex-gay clients are often so desperate that they are very susceptible and vulnerable to manipulation by their ex-gay counselor. It is very disturbing that a counselor would take advantage of their position of trust for their own indulgement.
Pam, I LOVE you! I’m learning a lot from you about grace under pressure. Your brains are amazing. I would love to talk to you on the phone.
As for my own opinion on this. I think the whole issue of religious counseling and who goes into it is very important.
There IS a profile that is quite pronounced in this regard. The priesthood, ex gay counseling….attracts people who INEVITABLY will struggle with being gay. How many households have started their children from infancy into the religion of choice of the parents?
This is generational.
The position of priest, advisor, counselor….offers up an opportunity to BE somebody important and in a position of leadership , trust and importance who would otherwise be shunned or not at all in that position. Being independent and self determined is COUNTER to what those religious communities most averse to homosexuals would want for a gay person.
It’s not so much the declaration of not being gay anymore that’s at issue. Any ordinary Joe can do that and not want to be the center of attention. I’m just wondering if this is indicative of REIFORCING that they aren’t gay. That it takes building up one’s involvement in the straight world to this level to be confincing. Not only to oneself, but the neighborhood at large.
If it’s not outright privilege into another gay person’s life, then taking on the affect of opposite sex spouse and children is another reinforcement….or test of one’s own stamina for the illusion of changing.
This DOES confuse and confound. It confuses the general public into thinking change is possible and confounds the need to really understand gay people and homosexuality. Which is another illusion that keeps the truth from being revealed as much as it can.
Taken in all…..it’s an exercise in keeping up appearances. Keeping up with the straight Joneses.
And I believe those of us we take on as friends, family, clients, employers…clergy and educators. None are helped by manipulating reality and no revealing our real feelings and selves.
Ex gay therapy and ministry seems to me, to actively enforce delusion.
Of a vengeful God on gay people, not a loving one. That who one really is, God doesn’t already know. And that being heterosexual has the magical powers to free you from moral destiny and is less fraught with all the same insecurities and personal failures. And those most in need of relieving themselves of guilt and distrust by those around them…are given MORE weight.
And one famous case of a person not too caught up in religious hysteria who said more weight, rather than not be true to himself and his community…was crushed to death for it.
And now that we know how the priests in the Church manipulated the young or vulnerable who were abused by priests, I don’t see much difference here. There is something seriously wrong with this religious philosophy that cannot and won’t recognize the correlation and causation and address it as how religious communities manipulate gay people first, not the other way around.
With such exclusive attention to gay people in a completely different way, the intended consequences are utterly arrogant and misleading. And the unintended ones….are they worth all this in the end?
Wonderful, Pam. Humanizing without excusing–it’s the sort of perspective we need to see more of.
Pam,
I appreciate your sharing and your grace. I am glad your experience was a good one and there is good you can take from it.
Thank you.