Exgay movement leader Alan Chambers announced today that exgays had been betrayed by the religious right.
“Today I join Anthony Falzarano, an exgay who years ago condemned Family Research Council and Focus on the Family for their uncharitable treatment of exgays and for their selfish political exploitation of sexual strugglers,” Chambers said.
Chambers declared that Exodus International would become an organization devoted to:
- celibacy,
- pragmatic disease prevention (including abstinence, monogamy and condoms),
- addiction/compulsion treatment by certified professionals,
- nonpartisan religious faith, and
- values based in charity to others rather than survival of the fittest.
Exodus chairman Mike Haley admitted that Focus on the Family — where Haley works in the antigay politics office — had exaggerated claims of change in sexual attraction, distorted science, and defamed sexually responsible and spiritually mature gay persons while promoting “special rights” for antigay religious groups.
Haley resigned as Exodus chairman and as a Focus employee. He said Focus had become so consumed by egotism and political warfare that few of its employees were still Christian. “All of them need to be born again,” he said. “They have much to repent, and I pray that they will one day be redeemed.”
Chambers rebuked his former colleague for tying Exodus to corrupt political allegiances with racist and misogynist demagogues who had given “Biblical inerrancy” a bad name.
At Ex-Gay Watch offices in Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles, staff were caught off-guard. They had been celebrating April Fool’s Day. After choking on his wine cooler, Ex-Gay Watch founder Mike Airhart said that Ex-Gay Watch served no further useful purpose and would close immediately.
Mike,
Congratulations on this surprising turn of events. The timing is very fortunate as I just won 87 million dollars in the lottery and since I will now be traveling the globe and hanging out with Paris Hilton I will have little time to write.
In the spirit of this change, and because I now feel the need to clear the air, I will now come clean about my long-term three-way relationship with Chad Thompson and Tom Cruise. (If only I can get Chad to quit demanding sex all day long and get Tom to stop jumping on the furniture things will be great).
Enjoy the remainder of April Fools Day.
Mike,
Is it true your moving WeHo to open an ascot boutique?
With this stunning news, I decided that I will radically change the course of my performance activism. From now on I will work exclusively on the dinner theater circuit bringing levity and quality entertainment to America’s underserved senior citizen population.
In solidarity wiith many seniors and as an act of performance art, I will have my doctor insert a catheter with a leg bag then document my experience in a new show called, Man with a Bag–Accessorised for Life.
Peterson
HFD to you too!
Plans are already underway here in the new satellite Ex-Gay Watch offices in Central Florida. Alan Chambers and I are going to grill some steaks tomorrow and discuss how we can merge and share resources toward a new common goal. Alan remarked that it would be good to get out of that cramped little office they have been leasing. “You can’t imagine how distracting it can be to hear the phone ring 400,000 times a year in here”, said Chambers. “There are days when I just can’t stand it so I go down for a swim at the Parliament House. I couldn’t make it otherwise – they are so friendly there”.
David
That post was just plain sick, haha. 🙂 You actually had my hopes up 🙁 . Oh well, back to hosing down the flames of ignorance with an eyedropper.
Oh, damn.And just as we were about to email Exodus and tell them that they had finally convinced us.(that was /sarc, not an AFD post. It’s now 2 April here, and therefore bad luck to contribute one. Of course, we thought of posting one yesterday, but then it would have only been Mar 31 for everyone else… and mass confusion would have reigned.)
Well, its still April 1 here. When I got to the part about wine coolers and April Fools Day, I was already pretty far down the road in my conversion.
I took it as a sign. A divine pronouncement. I already had the emails half completed; one to the Joseph Campbell Foundation forswearing my allegiance to the Joseph Campbell Foundation and comparitive mythology, the other to Rolf McPherson, requesting admission to Life Pacific College.
Mike Airhart = smart arse
I believed this up until I saw the date of the post. You actually had me going for a minute….
I wasn’t fooled for a second. It would be easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle…
…did chuckle, though! : )
The paradise house? Wow! Was that where Pat Robertson’s hurricane was headed as it passed by that way?
ReasonAble, I needed that laugh!!!
Mike, that’s a real nice wish you wrote there.