I have to admit I enjoy the gay literary genre of autobiographical short stories. In that genre, I’ve found a frequently occurring archetype. (My most recent example is here, fast forward to +42:40) A typical story goes a bit like this:
Two young proto-queers become best of friends. Both boys recognize that they are “different” somehow and share that in common with the other. However, neither boy fully grasps what it means to be gay. Their friendship continues to elevate and reaches a level which is frightening to them just short of physical intimacy. Seemingly at the peak of their relationship one boy suddenly withdraws from the other without explanation. He then attempts to socially alienate his former friend and the two never speak again.
I’ve come across too many examples of this basic story to list. It often seems these sorts of common experiences are the only things that form the foundation of gay culture. Now I’m curious, how many of you have had experiences like this? Here’s the thing, this sort of experience never happened to me.
As much as I don’t want to perpetuate any stereotypes, I will say that this mostly happened to me. I was a little late in coming out, so mine didn’t come until I was 19.
Same story, met a best friend, realized we were both gay but didnt talk about it. Things escalated. But, then I was the one that pulled back, and created hell for us for quite a while. Even tried to become straight by not talking to him and actively persuing females. But, the other guy in the situation lasted through it, and I came back and we got back together and are still together today. So I guess mine was similar, but with a happier (but still rocky) ending.
No. That’s both of us.However, in the years since, we have discovered — after running into people out and about — that boys we avoided at school because they were too obviously gay were apparently doing the same to us. Stupid internalized homophobia.(Or rather, that happened to one of us. The other one was never picked as gay.)
I must say, that has happened to me. I was way in the closet at the time, in denial to myself, and had a friendship that, when it esculated, both of us ran away and stopped talking to each other. I guess that’s just one example of internal homophobia.
Yup, me too. The only exception in my case was that we had some limited sexual contact – my first actually. I was deeper than the closet, I didn’t even know where the closet was.
It didn’t happen directly to me but it did happen to a friend of mine. Everything was fine until he used the word gay out loud. Then it was withdrawal and avoidance.
I think it’s pretty common because it is a theme we all struggle with: balancing our need to be who we are against our need to fit into a society that is oppressive but is all we really have. It may manifest in other ways, but the archetype here is probably pretty universal because it is so simple and uncomplicated.
darnit…
I never have the same stories to share.
Its happened to me a couple of times although not to the “just short of physical intimacy” stage. I was emotionally close to several straight men who pulled far away when I came out to them. I don’t know if they thought I was going to try and hit on them and rejected me, or if they were scared of feelings they had. When I came out there was an immediate wall come down between us and I was never able to get any honest emotion after that point. It was sad.
I’m not gay, so I don’t have the same story, but a female friend of mine had a best friend who one day came out to her and said she was in love with her. My friend is straight as far as I know, and the girl who had come out decided they could not be friends anymore and she retreated completely, even though the other one would have been happy being friends.
Kind of the same but different. So, this even happens to girls.
How stupid!