News broke yesterday of the possible death of long-time ex-gay advocate Anthony Falzarano’s death. No one seemed to be certain of the validity of this report and he appeared at a West Palm Beach social event earlier this month with his wife. He also attempted to comment here* barely two days ago. Falzarano was banned from further participation at XGW long ago for abuse of the privilege so the comment was not posted, but it was in keeping with his usual tone and subject matter.
The Palm Beach County Medical Examiner’s Office confirmed to us this morning that they indeed had an Anthony Falzarano there in their morgue. Since Anthony and his wife, Dianne, are the only ones listed there by that name, we are taking this as confirmation that this is the same Anthony Falzarano who has participated in ex-gay and anti-gay activities since the 1990’s. They would not release the cause of death.
While we don’t wish to dwell on the matter after a man’s death, Anthony Falzarano was a difficult person to deal with, subject to widely varying changes in mood, quick to anger and verbal attack. It would be hard to report accurately about him without mentioning these traits. He founded the rabidly anti-gay PFOX and was at one time a member of Exodus International. He shunned both in later years as being too soft on the “gay agenda.”
Falzarano is apparently survived by his Wife Dianne, and what appears to be at least one daughter, Mary V Falzarano.
* Comment released posthumously.
Update: We have been told by unofficial sources that Mr. Falzarano died of a heart attack.
Condolences to Anthony’s family, friends, ministry partners, and all those who mourn his passing. May God grant them peace.
I was “counseled” by Anthony years ago. Bizarre and intense man. The world may be less hateful with his passing, but it will also be less interesting.
May our Lord Jesus comfort his family – it is always hard to lose a father.
I heard Anthony speak in Virginia in the mid-90’s; met with him once for a discussion in the later 90’s; and emailed him a few times when he moved to FL. I was in silent agreement with his banning from ex-gay watch years ago, because he ceased to enter into respectful dialog with those that opposed his viewpoints, shared some similar viewpoints, or even agreed with him. A blog is for dialog, it is our modern ‘Mars Hill’; a blog is our safe zone – a ‘night time, when Nicodemus came’ and asked questions.
Nevertheless, may our Jesus welcome Anthony into heaven. We all ‘see darkly now’, but then ‘we shall see face to face’. How amazing it will be for all of us to see the embodiment of complete truth overflowing with mercy simultaneously, to all that believe, and to hear Him present us before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy. Anthony is home.
Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn
I’d have guessed he died of AIDS or commited suicide.
How very odd – yet fitting – that XGW was one of the last places that Anthony spoke to.
you know Nothing . He was a tormented soul and a relative of mine. He died of a heart attack on the beach. Just because he was filled with anger does not mean you should be also. Shame on you.
I am guessing you are NOT a Christian
Louis: I am sorry if I, or others, offended you. We are all trying to ‘come to grips’ with the death of Anthony. So, sometimes, we post our thoughts, our groping, our joy, or our anger. Sometimes, we are not angry with Anthony, but with his views or presentation. Sometimes, we are just angry at death taking someone home.
Some of us are believers in Christ; some of us are not; some of us are searching; some of us have found a place of peace. I kindly ask you to show graciousness to all the posters. We are human, as well. We grieve with you.
May my Lord Jesus comfort you at the loss of your relative. Though he may have been, in your view, a tormented soul and filled with anger, may Anthony now find peace and joy in the presence of Jesus.
Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn
@Louis
I think condolences for his family and friends have been expressed by several. However, most of us who deal with this subject have spent more than our fair share of time being verbally attacked, threatened and vilified by Anthony. His were some of the most vile comments ever lobbed this way and he never expressed a bit of remorse — quite the contrary. If some here still hurt from their encounters with him they do not need nor do they deserve your wagging finger of shame.
This did not have to be rehashed, but your comments required a response. I’m sorry if you were close to him because I’m sure you are hurting, but there is no way to avoid acknowledging this aspect of Anthony’s personality without losing all credibility. Whatever help he needed, he did not get. It would have been better if he had lived long enough to change course, but that didn’t happen.
I am truly sorry for the pain his widow and family must be feeling.
Very Good comment David Roberts. Since I never even heard of Anthony Falzarano I did not comment on this article, which I am sure you appreciate.
My prayers and blessings and condolences to Cousin Anthony’s family. The pain of losing
a loved one is so grievous and brutal. May he rest in peace in the Lord’s arms.
Cousin Karen Jenkins
I knew him years ago, when we both attended the same church.
He was a deeply troubled man (imo), and unfortunately, he lashed out at others (as here) rather than seeking help for himself.
There are folks out here who knew him (IRL, and not as part of any of his anti-gay groups) who suffered as a result of his actions and speech.
I am truly sorry for the loss suffered by his family, yet…
@numo
If I may ask, was there ever any clue as to what might have caused his behavioral issues? Was he aware of them himself? If one helpful thing was to come out of this, it might be some explanation for what he did. Thanks for your comments.
@David Roberts
I never saw or heard anything about this re. psychiatric problems and/or organic problems that might have contributed to his erratic and often hurtful behavior… but I do believe that there was something very wrong. (perhaps many things…)
It’s been about 20 years since I last saw him (and that from a literal distance – at the back of the church). I wish that I could shed some light on his issues/problems, but at this point, I have no answers, and likely never will.
I do know that he was asked to leave this particular church, and that their support for his then ex-gay group ceased entirely. However, nothing was ever made public regarding why that happened. I wish it had been – think it would have been fairer to everyone involved.
Disclaimer: I am no longer involved with that church, or with any churches like it, nor do I support any “ex-gay” ministries and the ideology that drives them. (Your blog has had a lot to do with that, btw!)
@David Roberts
also… I was not surprised by the vehemence of the comment he left for Darlene Bogle, though I was deeply saddened that he said what he said to her.
I have seen some of his comments on other blogs and again, though saddened, i was not surprised. He was saying all kinds of crazy things (verbally) back in the early 90s, when he was in D.C.
I have heard one version of his “testimony,” as well as his assertion that he was one of Roy Cohn’s “kept boys,” and have to say that even at the time, these stories didn’t fully add up to me – though in person, he could be extremely persuasive. Looking back, I believe he was extremely manipulative and know that he could react very badly when thwarted. And by that, I mean something as simple as someone disagreeing with how he spoke about things – including his crazy references to “demons running around” (something I heard him say re. Foundry United methodist in D.C., which was/is an LGBTQ-affirming church) as well as sudden outbursts of praise for the virgin Mary (interrupting another person’s talk quite loudly, and more than once).
Although none of us are in a position to be able to diagnose him (and I am not a mental health professional), I think something was very, very wrong. That said, i do not know if anyone suggested that he seek medical evaluation, therapy, etc. and even if they had… well, I doubt he’d have gone. (Just my take, and, as I said above, it’s been 20 or so years since I last saw him in person.)
I think he would very much appreciate the compassion shown in this thread. I too got the impression he was a tormented soul. His picture alone seems radiate pain.
I wrote an unflattering review of his book “And Such Were Some of You — One Man’s Walk Out Of The Gay Lifestyle.”
Rife with sarcasm, I purposely looked for and focused on the negative, but I think much of his condemnatory rants were a projection of his own experiences. It seems his life as a gay man really was reflective of the “gay lifestyle” that the anti-gay industry unrelentingly defines us as.
He says he was continually humiliated because he was “chosen as the last person on the baseball team” and at puberty, he was mortified by the realization of his same-sex attraction, he joined the soccer team, but they rejected him when they “noticed how insecure he was.” Became manager of the basketball team, then got molested by a stranger and later, seduced by a teacher.
“junior high school was my low self esteem was obvious. […] My father didn’t know how to handle me and pushed my back on my mother.”
Some of the better things he had to say:
If I wrote that review today I think it would have been through the lens of the above said.
Despite my focus on the negative aspects of his story, he had this to say in the comments section:
That immediately elicited compassion in me. I truly hope he is at peace.
Ironic he was one who pointed his finger in the face of gays during the Washington Blade hearings in Fairfax Co. in the 1990s telling all they would be dead within 20 years from their homosexuality, and now he’s gone at such a relatively young age. I hope he finds the peace now he never seemed to have when he was alive. He was always so angry.
@numo
That is incredibly rewarding to hear, thank you.
Thank you for that.
I am a firm believer in freedom of speech, but just because you can, doesnt always mean you you should…
@David Roberts – Oh hey, you folks deserve to hear that, no? 🙂
More seriously, my views about the whole ex-gay thing were beginning to crack some years ago, and I started looking for blogs like this one. I also found Peterson Toscano’s old Blogspot blog and there was a *lot* there to take in…
I guess the main thing for me, though, was seeing that peoples’ sexual orientations did not change, no matter how hard people in the ex-gay movement tried to convince them otherwise. (Convince themselves otherwise, actually.)
Hearing real-life stories of how many gay Christians have come to feel at peace with themselves and who they are is probably the single biggest eye-opener (imo), because beliefs are one thing – a person’s actual experiences are another.
I hope that more and more people will be open to what bloggers like you – and many others – have to say.
It is with some shock that I have become aware of this event. It was discovering Mr. Falzarano’s testimony that helped motivate us to form the g0ys.org men’s movement; –in the motivation of his group/s, a very-successful, non-traditional organization for men with male/male interests & issues. His departure will be a historical turning point.
Clean gays vs. Dirty gays.
We may be gay, but at least we,re not like THEM.