Saturday’s edition of The Tennesseean features interviews with ex-ex-gays Darlene Bogle and Christine Bakke and with pastor Bob Stith, the Southern Baptist Convention’s first national strategist for gender issues. Bogle and Bakke flew to Nashville last week to share their stories in front of the SBC’s headquarters.
For his part, Stith does express deep concern about the message that many churches continue to send to the gay community:
Stith’s interest in ex-gay ministries began a dozen years ago, after a fire-and-brimstone sermon about homosexuality.
“I asked myself, ‘Would someone who struggled with this issue come to you after they heard you preach like that? And the answer was no,” Stith said. “When I realized what my attitude had been, what I was doing, it just about broke my heart.”
Unfortunately, Stith’s own message appears to consist of the same ex-gay doublespeak that Exodus and Focus on the Family have been using for years:
“I have seen many people walk away from the homosexual lifestyle. And they were so joyful, so thankful for what God had done in their life,” Stith said. “If you have a strong enough motivation, it is possible.”
While those well-versed in ex-gay talking points will recognize that “walk[ing] away from the homosexual lifestyle” merely means a change in behavior (usually to a celibate lifestyle), most readers are likely to come away with the impression that any same-sex-attracted person who fails to change their orientation simply didn’t try hard enough. The accompanying video interview with Stith, despite a call for “compassion,” does nothing to correct that misperception.
If Stith truly wants to stop the verbal abuse that many of his fellow Southern Baptists continue to inflict on the gay and lesbian individuals around them, his message will require a considerable amount of refining.
argghhh. This is the essence of what keeps so many poor souls bound to ex-gay methods. The notion that there is a “God” who is going to do something to change your orientation if only you have “strong enough motivation.” What these guys fail to see in their rhetoric is that if a person has “strong enough motivation” they bypass the need for a “God” to ‘save’ them.
If one removes the constant appeal to the authority of “God,” one finds that underneath the ex-gay ‘ministry’ is more accurately described as “physician, ‘heal’ thy self,” based on the false premise that there is something to heal in the first place.
Yeah, that statement disappoints me too. Especially the part about “if you have a strong enough motivation.” Those kind of sentiments are among the most hurtful to those of us who have not experienced a change in orientation. Because if he’s talking about a change in behavior, yes a strong enough motivation might be enough to help you to lead a celibate life. It’s possible you might end up depressed and suicidal, but you could be (technically) successful.
But if he’s talking about orientation (which most folks assume when reading/hearing the comments) then no, this is not correct for most people. (I do want to acknowledge that there may be a few folks who have experienced a shift in orientation; but I see it as being fairly rare.)
And that is incredibly hurtful and shame-inducing to people who have given up so much to pursue what they thought they were being promised (change in orientation). In addition, to the general public, and those in our lives who do not understand the nuances of these issues, it merely just reinforces their notion that being gay is something that can be changed if you just “try hard enough.”
I’ve known people (and now am meeting even more, through beyondexgay.com) who have had the motivation of saving a career, marriage, and family, as well as a deeply-held belief that they needed to change in order to be holy and please God. If that is not enough motivation to be successful, I sure don’t know what is.
I just want to see honesty when folks talk about these issues. I know that Pastor Bob has a real heart for people. I am hoping that by hearing some of our stories he will see that “change is possible” and reports of people “walking away from a homosexual lifestyle” just won’t cut it anymore. They need to be honest about what “change” means, and what a “homosexual lifestyle” really is. This kind of fuzzy language and blaming the unsuccessful (by their standards) ex-gay, really isn’t OK anymore, and in fact damages people who are already, in many cases, quite wounded.
I had an aunt who died many years ago of a rare and incurable and long term disease. For several years she went to all the meetings of the faith healers who came through town, desperate to be cured. She never was, and the reasons were always the same. She, in so many words, “just didn’t have enough faith.”
What an evil thing to do to my poor aunt. And how sad it is that so many gay folk are hearing the same thing from Christians today – “if only you were motivated enough”
Well said, Craig.
People don’t “walk away” from the “lifestyle.” They just lie to keep those “baptists” fools from harrassing them.
end of discussion.
Christine said,
The problem is people hear our story and still think we are lying or are weak. They assume they know the truth and that it is their sacred duty to impose that truth upon us. Have they ever contempleate that maybe we are have been brought into their life to change THEIR understanding of God and the Spirit?
Benton, I agree that there are many people who don’t listen and who will always come up with reasons why a lack of change is our fault.
But I have a history of communication and relationship with Pastor Bob, and my hope is that he is one of those people who will listen and try to hear with his heart. Whether he reevaluates what he says, who knows, but if anyone would, in my opinion, it would be Pastor Bob.
When I say he has a heart for people, it is not empty words. He has done so much in the past to try to get folks to stop with religious overtly anti-gay rhetoric, especially from Southern Baptists pulpits. I have a lot of respect for him, even if I am disappointed by his words in this article.
Now where have I heard “strong motivation” before?
The comments section with the Tennessean article is up to 470 posts and counting. Here’s the end of my lastest response to clarksbar:
clarksbar writes like a Satinover stand-in. Hmm… I wonder???