In a frank and moving interview last week, the Episcopalian Bishop of New Hampshire talked about his attempts to overcome his homosexuality.
The Right Reverend Gene Robinson was ordained bishop in 2004, precipitating a momentous controversy still raging strong today in the worldwide Anglican Communion. Speaking to British journalist Andrew Collier, the Anglican Church’s first openly gay bishop recalled his early struggles with his sexuality:
[When I didn’t grow out of homosexuality,] by the end of college and the beginning of seminary, I got into therapy twice a week to rid myself of this horrible thing. I felt if I couldn’t change it outright, I could at least put it aside. I very much wanted to have a wife and family.
[The therapy] didn’t work, and it almost never works for people who attempt it. I guess I did think it had worked. I suspect it didn’t make the same sex feelings go away, but it certain worked in that I felt ready emotionally and spiritually and physically for a relationship with a woman, so it certainly made that part of myself possible. And so when I entered into a relationship with the woman who became my wife, it was full of integrity – I wasn’t pretending to be something that I was not. And yet within a month of meeting her, I shared that all of my primary relationships had been with men, that I had been in therapy to make a heterosexual relationship possible, and that I felt I was in a good place to do that.
On falling in love with a man for the first time (prior to his marriage):
It felt very positive to be falling in love with someone, to have them falling in love with me, and to experience this kind of bond, and at the same time it was horrifically awful because – oh my goodness, maybe this isn’t a passing phase. Maybe I am this way. Oh my God, what am I going to do?
It was this realization that led him to pursue therapy to change:
And knowing that if I were this way, the chances were almost complete that I wouldn’t be ordained. So there was a lot at stake and I wanted to do this right and well, so I got into therapy, to change that, and the desire for a family were perhaps the two guiding principles.
Like so many ex-gay marriages, however, all was not as idyllic as it seemed:
It was a wonderful marriage and as a matter of fact almost everyone we knew was devastated by the announcement we were getting divorced. We were the marriage everyone hoped for. We were the ones people pointed to and said ‘if only we can have what they have’. And yet beneath the surface there was this other very painful thing going on.
The interview is a worthy read, and will certainly give a very different impression from that of much of the conservative vitriol surrounding Bishop Gene’s appointment. In particular, he gives a beautiful account of how he and his wife ended their 15-year marriage, and how that relationship continues today. He also addresses current Anglican divisions, warning that the Church of England would be close to shutting down if not for the legions of gay men and women in its pews, its organ stalls and its pulpits.
The Times (London) reported on the interview, and the paper’s Religion Correspondent, Ruth Gledhill, helpfully published the entire interview here.
I think we should just have a “No Gay Day” in the church in general. I guess I would be talking about Christian churches here. From what I have read, we couldn’t even use the King James Bible. https://www.edwardtbabinski.us/history/king_james_gay.html
I found it very interesting that he and his wife were so very serious – and one could say godly – in their divorce. I’ve not heard of anyone ever going through the steps they took or involving a priest, forgiveness, or formal release of vows before. I think this is something that churches may want to consider as a formal process for any of their divorcing parishoners.
What strikes me is that this Bishop testifies that therapy :
Later he did however embrace his gay identity and divorced.
So here is yet another testimony that contradicts what anti-exgays repeats over an over: even here on Exgay watch:
What strikes me is that this bishop testifies that therapy:
That contradict what anti-exgays keeps repeating, Even here on Exgay watch:
https://exgaywatch.com/2007/04/change-is-possible-for-exodus-exiles/
That is a another testimony of the possibility of change. Yes he later embraced his gay identity and divorced, but the change was real and genuine. Godspeed to this bishop!
Marcus, why is it that you perceive the debate over change as applying to your situation? Do you really think I or others would tell you, knowing the details of your life experience, to just ‘be gay’? Do you really think the viewpoint of ex-ex-gays is that callous and uncaring? Do you really think that it’s about shutting down the counsel of the therapists you sought out? That it’s about telling them to deny you the option of digging into your mind and soul and finding out who you really are? Your situation growing up was horrible and definitely influenced your behavior as an adult, but with all due respect, your experience is not a universal guide, and it is unfair for you to imply that the debate over change is somehow translating into an attempt to prevent people who were abused from seeking therapy to understand their true sexuality.
I have read lots of these types of articles. ANd looking at scripture and while I understnd there the gay community is coming from I still find that it isn’t ok with the bible. To speak to Genes point that he still had feelings for men. Men in the Zacheaus group have expressed that they still do think about men. But that through God the thoughts have become less and less. Maybe Gene didnt’ give God much of a chance to work with him. Just my opinion
That isn’t an opinion, Victoria, it is a judgment – and one which has really become insulting over the years. I try to be as balanced as possible on here but really, how dare you.
Perhaps if you had more faith, or just tried harder, God would have broken through that judgmental spirit so you could understand? You see where that goes?
Marcus,
Bishop Robinson doesn’t seem like a very good example of successful change. His marriage fell apart which I am sure caused great pain to him and his wife. He never stopped being gay.
In the end, it just sounds like another tragic ex-ex-gay story.
A large part of the ex-gay movement seems to be related to religion and morality. I wonder how much time ex-gay therapists and ex-gay ministries really devote to thinking about the morality of encouraging or leading a gay person into a heterosexual relationship. How much guilt do these therapists and ministy leaders feel for the pain caused to the ex-wives and ex-husbands of the ex-gays they convinced to pursue this path, or are they just collateral damage.
Marcus,
You talk about “developing heterosexual functioning” through therapy.
I can suggest a short-cut. Forget therapy and pop a little blue pill. Close your eyes and fantacize and … viola … heterosexual functioning.
Well obviously I’m being facetious. But my point is that most gay guys are physically capable of engaging in sex with a woman. And if we were nothing other than breeding stock, that would be success.
But “heterosexual functioning” is not a goal that most gay people would find satisfactory. What one wants is a deep shared emotional bond. What one wants is a sexual partnering that is fulfilling and intense. What one wants is love and passion and romance and desire. And one wants all of those things in the same person.
And this cannot be replaced by “heterosexual functioning”.
Here here, Timothy. The same can be said of gay women.
Victoria,
Does God need more chances? And maybe some do-overs? And just more time cuz He’s almost there and if only He had another week, month, year then He could change Gene?
How very puny and inept you must think God to be.