The Houston Voice and New York Blade follow up earlier reporting with a new story today on Jerry Falwell’s July 21 appearance at the week-long Exodus International conference in Asheville, N.C.
Worthy of note:
1. During worship, Falwell summoned an altar call, promising a “miracle.”
2. The reporter was required to be accompanied and monitored by an Exodus representative at all times.
3. Exodus co-founder Frank Worthen coached a classroom of 60 people — many of whom already appeared to be married — on how to achieve and endure an exgay marriage.
Emphasis below is XGW’s:
“Men are ready for marriage when their desire to be protected becomes a desire to protect,” Worthen said. “A man should also have three years of celibacy,” he added, “and have been free of pornography and masturbation for some time.” …
Worthen said men need to become “hard and masculine” in order to be able to enjoy the soft, mushy feel of a woman. To become firmer, it is OK for a man to work out a little bit, he said, just not too much.
He also said that many wives wonder whether their ex-gay husbands will expect them to engage in the “unnatural” sex practices to which they imagine their husbands have become accustomed. Not so, Frank said, and he recommended that couples avoid oral sex, which could stimulate gay fantasies.
The Worthens said physical intimacy should proceed slowly, and it is best to wait until marriage to experiment with deep kissing. There should be no commitment to sexual performance on the wedding night, they said, and some prudent couples wait a year after marriage before even attempting sexual intercourse.
Frank Worthen also warned the crowd that gay friends are a one-way ticket back to “the lifestyle.”
Clearly, Worthen sees the prospect of exgays getting to know real gay people as a serious threat to exgay movement stereotypes.
Exodus president Alan Chambers gloats (as he frequently does) that he has, on some unidentified occasion, received feces in the mail from some unidentified gay activist.
Better to talk about excretory functions, one supposes, than to voice disagreement with Worthen — or with Falwell’s call for the forcible confinement of youths in exgay boot camps.
Geez,
Even Dear Abby and Dr. Ruth Westheimer wouldn’t agree with such restrictions.
This is about the stupidest advice I’ve ever heard.
Kinsey was right-religious zeal or misinterpretation of Scripture, or archaic theory to guide sexuality has left most people more bereft of information and pleasure with and for one another.
And set up people for danger, disappointment and abuse.
This guys sounds like the pleasure police. Bias of course, going against women.
Yep…they are surely trying to yank people back into the 19th century, with 19th century mores.
In spite of the advent of, reliable birth control and treatment for most STD’s.
Puritan disdain for pleasure is a total setup…
It didn’t work then, what makes these people think it’ll work now?
Oh yeah….there’s profit in fear.
On this site there has been a lot of supposition that the most successful ex-gays are those who were more bisexual than gay. However, if this course at Exodus is in any way indicative of the larger population of ex-gays, it would appear that they are anything but bisexual.
And they are most certainly not heterosexual!!
If these are considered to be examples of successful ex-gays (“happily married” is how Exodus usually descibes their most successful) then I think I know why it is that Exodus keeps these people out of sight.
No one outside the ex-gay movement would ever consider it a “change”. They’ve been married for a year without EVER having had sex of ANY sort, no vaginal, oral, masturbation, nothing.
(Mike, you beat me to it. 🙂
So post anyway if you like — you were first 🙂
Wow! Does this sound like advice for people who have “changed”?
How sad. And pity the poor wives.
I love this quote from the article:
“Chambers, the Exodus president, noted in an interview that Exodus tries to distance itself from “radical” groups. For example, Exodus will not work with aversion therapists who use penis rings that deliver shocks when subjects respond to inappropriate imagery.”
See? They’re not such bad folks after all. Exodus is downright progressive!
Something I’ve noticed with all the news going on recently–the emphasis really seems to be on MEN who are gay. I get the sense that this is more of a threat to the straight male set than are women–because women aren’t “really” sexual, or they are just being “feminist” or something.
I would like to see more discussion about what factors influence women to “become gay” and how they can “escape it.” There doesn’t seem to be as much concern about ex-gay women hurting the men they marry–I guess because sex isn’t as important to them? I don’t know, these are mostly generalizations based on the sense I get–but there is a downright dearth of material written about lesbians with regard to this topic.
Wow. “…when their desire to be protected becomes a desire to protect…” sounds vaguely Freudian, but what does it mean exactly?
And this: “physical intimacy should proceed slowly, and it is best to wait until marriage to experiment with deep kissing. There should be no commitment to sexual performance on the wedding night…some prudent couples wait a year after marriage before even attempting sexual intercourse.”
Again, wow. It’s astonishing that some people will hear this and think, “Why yes, this seems like a healthy path for my personal and sexual development.”
The quoted section had me rolling on the floor, laughing. Literally. Particularly the first three paragraphs. It was funny as heck. Worthen must be nuts. Three years of celibacy?
ck at July 29, 2005 07:45 PM
>>>Something I’ve noticed with all the news going on recently–the emphasis really seems to be on MEN who are gay.
That is largely because homophobia is largely an extension of sexism. It took me a while to figure that out, but it’s true.
Regarding the title of the post
“Movement Co-Founder Coaches Exgays in Troubled Marriages”
I was wondering if he was giving out web sites where one could find cruisey areas. There are some web sites that I’ve discovered over the years that provide that information, but I’ll avoid posting links to them here.
The very advice he gives shows the complete illusion of “change” in these groups. It appears they are urging “ex-gay” men to basically get so horny and desperate for sex that they will be able to perform with their wives. Not exactly a typical marriage, IMHO (my only real example is my sister and brother-in-law, who after nearly 13 years of marriage STILL find ways to leave me with the kids so they can sneak off for a little afternoon delight while I’m visiting).
And the admonition that gay friends are a “one-way ticket back to the ‘lifestyle'” – no wonder “ex-gays” all seem to work for “ex-gay” organizations. If they are not supposed to have contact with gay people, they sure as heck cannot get jobs out in the real world – it’s practically teeming with us evil, corrupting out gays.
CPT_Doom at July 30, 2005 08:31 AM
In a backhanded way, you are raising another good point. How is this “ex-gay” protocol supposed to be kind to the women involved? If a woman marries an ex-gay male, will she be able to find sexual satisfaction on a regular basis? Doubtful.
This is one of the most amazing pieces of ridiculous ex-gay crap I’ve read in a long time. Gay men should NEVER marry straight women – and that is exactly what is being advocated by Worthen. Of course, he would not acknowledge that. The idea of waiting a year after the wedding for sex is so absurd I can hardly believe it. I am a gay man who married a straight woman. I am not bisexual – just very horny 😉 – and we managed to have lots of great sex for 15 years. No amount of toning the body or avoiding oral sex and its ‘fantasies’ or any of the other things Worthen advocates – even good sex in marriage – will change the fact that a gay man will always want to be with another man – and ultimately that dooms most gay/straight marriages.
Let me pitch one atcha, guys…as a woman.
Women, in their archaic point of view are not the initiators, or are supposed to be aggressive and they are expected to take the supplicant position.
If these men don’t have a natural lust for women to begin with, then they won’t necessarily have a very active or creative sex life.
According to ex gay ministers.
And it appears that some of the women are ex lesbians, so their natural attraction would be somewhat slow to rise.
Sex, is a private issue and most people just assume that heterosexual couples are having sex, but don’t really know how or to what degree.
It’s the RELATIONSHIP that’s public.
References and open side by side appearances among their social circles that turns that relationship also into a marriage.
Sex isn’t the topic of casual conversation among friends.
So a celibate ex gay couple could get away with no one being the wiser about the real nature of their sex lives.
It’s only gay couples, by being seen together, however modestly, that makes people think that this is ‘shoving in our faces’ or simple disclosing that you are gay or have a significant other that’s your same gender is enough to offend some heterosexuals into accusing gay people of ‘talking about their sex lives’.
The bias in assumption and disproportionate response to honesty keeps us all guessing about who is doing what behind closed doors.
Most people respectfully just don’t think about what heteros are doing. While all too much obssess about what gay people do or don’t.
“No one outside the ex-gay movement would ever consider it a “change”. They’ve been married for a year without EVER having had sex of ANY sort, no vaginal, oral, masturbation, nothing.”
Wow, I don’t consider myself heterosexual (I’m pansexual), though my heterosexual libido is mostly likely 100000.235 times stronger than these “heterosexual” successes. No sex of any sort after a year of marriage? I couldn’t even fathom that.
Sure, I do love fellating penises. But breasts and vaginas have their own allure (they were an acquired taste for me).
How can you not want to have sex with your wife (or any girl for that matter) and still consider yourself “heterosexual?”
Some people…
Houdini.
-Houdini
It seems to me that the first question we should ask any new ex-gay success that is introduced on the PR circuit is how long they have been married to their wives. That way we can assess pretty quickly if we’re talking to a person who has no way of determining whether they are a success. After all, a year without having sex with one’s spouse is like a year’s worth of free denial.