From The Guardian’s Comment is free this morning:
Writing in the Times earlier this week, Patrick Muirhead describes “the day I decided to stop being gay“. Even allowing for its firmly tongue-in-cheek tone, the problem with his article is that he really seems to believe the half-truths he presents about homosexuality.
He talks of his increasing attraction to women, or more pertinently his attraction to the idea of a wife and children – though in fact, when his decision was made, no woman was even in the picture. It was the sight of a father playing with his child that persuaded this one-time “fully fledged homo” to pursue a traditional, heterosexual family life. This is a spectre that cannot be avoided throughout the article: has the author really changed, or is he just enamoured of the idea of “normality”?
In common with many others who have given up the supposedly hedonistic lifestyle of the modern gay man, Muirhead cannot resist taking a parting shot at homosexuals. It’s a familiar pattern, especially in the US, where the religious, rightwing “ex-gay” movement thrives on myth-making about the dangers of same-sex love.
Read the full article, by Ex-Gay Watch’s David L Rattigan, here.
If that is “stopping being gay”… call me a child’s sweet, wrap me in cellophane and sell me from a caravan at the seaside. (apologies to Blackadder for that)
Very nice work Dave (as per usual): the “no woman was even in the picture” line was, at least for us, the most severe in a very generous piece. And very telling.
A pleasant, respected, daffodils in spring, stable and warm home life surrounded by a wide loving family and bairns is an all too common an aspiration. For a reason: it is a good life.
Sadly some fail to realise you can be gay and have all that too.
Sadly too many ex-gays fail to realise that being straight is no guarantee of anything.
And sadly I suspect the next time we’ll hear about Patrick it will because he attacked a windmill on horseback dressed as Spanish knight.
David Roberts is always telling me I’m far too English.
I am really worried… We all were witnesses to follow the psychical decline of a Michael Glatze these days, now we have another one coming up with similar phrases… I hope Muirhead will not make the same mistakes – life is so much more!
Greetings from Germany
Hi Guys!
If you took a handful of heterosexual black women, and engaged them in a conversation about the seemingly elusive suitable and compatible black man, there would be much in common with gay men.
Some of my sisters are very bitter, and have rejected the notion of mating with black men altogether. Instead, they embrace relationships with white men as the holy grail of relationship success and security. Usually these same women will publicly criticize black men with nearly as much vehemence as a committed racist.
It’s always disconcerting to me to see this behavior. I do not reject the idea of dating transracially at all. But I definitely to not support doing so at the expense of the character of black men.
Gays and lesbians and heterosexual blacks have something in common in this regard: discrimination and diasporic location strains us. Economically and romantically….and emotionally. There are fewer of us to go around. There are many of us who were affected by HIV/AIDS, by abandonment and so on.
A black woman, might expand her preferences to include men of other ethnicities, but that doesn’t mean there will be attraction in kind.
Gays and lesbians are ill advised to expand to having romantic relationships with straight folks.
So, that there are bitter, dissatisfied folks among gays and black women, in particular is no surprise.
That they would vilify who rejects them isn’t either.
However, publicly giving oxygen to the purveyors of discrimination and further isolation from romantic hope is not supportable, let alone forgivable.
The better path, and this is certainly coming from personal experience too, is forming strong and loving friendships and support networks between gay folks and black women. We are in a special niche of ‘understanding where you’re coming from and where you’re going.’
I’d rather that such alliances build bridges rather than burn them. One of my roommates is a beautiful, talented and soft spoken black man. He’s also gay.
We’ve formed a bond stronger than some married folks have, but it makes us better people in ways a romantic relationship wouldn’t .
And THAT is the point and a lesson in life lost on Mr. Muirhead.
David Roberts is always telling me I’m far too English.
Oh pfft. What would he know. He gets served English Breakfast tea and asks “What part of England is this from?”
Seriously, it’s long over time that he left his off-the-grid cabin in Idaho. It cannot possibly be healthy living like that. He needs a long holiday in the antipodes, or possibly some joyful flower-strewn village in ‘England’. Like, you know, Motherwell*.
(God, I’m as dead as mutton when he googles all this.)
* have been there. Please don’t ask how or why.
I doubt this comment will go over well, but: it sounds like Muirhead has just realized that he’s bisexual. I think he’s got a lot of company there.
While I don’t agree with his slams against gay people, gay marriage (etc.) at all (and wish he hadn’t taken his piece in that direction), I’m thinking that outspokenness about changes in attractions (*not* in orientation!) isn’t the most PC thing to discuss these days.
And that’s really unfortunate.
Haha, David and I are always comparing notes about our perceptions of each other’s countries.
You’re dead as mutton when some Scotsman finds this and sees you’ve relocated the Scottish town of Motherwell in England.
EC2, I fixed your HTML for you.
I think it’s rather as I suggested in my article when it comes to critiquing gay culture. These things are difficult to discuss because LGBTs are always on the defensive, due to the constant attacks. It makes us retreat to a place where we can’t discuss anything because we’re so fed up of the myths, the misconceptions and the slander.
Regan, thanks for your unique perspective on this.
I drink Earl Grey and as far as I know it comes from a replicator. That should give you much more fodder for my derision 😉
O M G, david. every time i think of “early grey” i think of Capt. Picard getting “tea. earl grey. hot” from the replicator. I AM NOT KIDDING.
i meant “earl grey.”
@ Dave R: Many thanks!
And I really do hear you on both the attacks and resulting defensiveness.
@ Dave R You’re dead as mutton when some Scotsman finds this…
Hence calling it ‘England’, not England. I think I’ll be safe. And thankfully you called them Scotsmen, not Scotch… unlike somebody else who we both know might do. hint hint.
(“No, that’s something you drink. The other is a nation.”)
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Earl Grey. A ladies afternoon tea. I should have guessed, although the replicator did come as somewhat of a surprise. Wow, somebody spent a lot on their kitchen renovation 🙂
Walmart?
I’ll let Rattigan defend his national brew, I drink it because I like it (and you are correct, I mostly drink it in the afternoon when I do at all). Coffee, without any of the awful contaminants (sugar, creamer, or horrid flavors) is my caffeine delivery system of choice.
Was there a serious conversation before or did you just need to bitch at your humble writers, oh so worldly ones grant and dale? I’ve not had my first cup, so I’m just not sure 🙁
BTW (seriously) how are you guys doing?
/snort. Actually I do enjoy an Earl Grey from time to time — hot afternoons are always good. Just for the heck of it I will walk down and count the types of tea we have… currently 8 blacks + 3 greens (not including non-tea herbals and rosehip etc). I always start the day with a thunderingly vigorous Assam (it’s a deep dark red, almost black) and am finishing off a very long day with a mug of Chinese jasmine before me. I drink tea by the bucket load.
And yes, I did make a serious first post. At least I though it was 😐
Personally we’re both fine but both slowing winding ourselves into exhaustion. For some odd reason the silly season didn’t let up at all with work — it’s been a one of busiest times either of us can remember in 10+ years. Normally things start going quiet from November through to January, but not this year. I’ve been nailed to this desk for 16 hours today. I had to have a nanna nap in the afternoon just to keep going!
Cannot complain I guess given the alternative. Early last year was dead as a doornail for one of us after the market crash. Didn’t get back to normalish for a good 6 or 7 months, until the May federal budget. At least we’ll be well and truly ready for a break in March/April. North or central Thailand is horrid at that time of year (before the rains) so maybe a return to far southern Thailand or the Philippines. Or maybe Java. Hmm, Java.
Hope everything is as well with you and yours. Cheers mate!