In a formal statement, Exodus has confirmed that after 23 years in the US, the organization will be going ex-American.
Speaking from Exodus’s Florida base yesterday, President Alan Chambers said emphatically that “we are no longer in the US.”
Let’s not play the political correctness card here. We’re not saying Americans are bad. The sin is not in being American or British or Chinese or any of these things. They’re all equally an abominable stench in the nostrils of God. The sin is in identifying with anything other than Christ.
“Change is a process,” Mr Chambers told reporters when asked why Exodus continued to operate out of the United States.
Vice President Randy Thomas elaborated: “I’m not an American. I’m a Christian who happens to have some US-related nationality issues.”
“I’m living proof that change is possible,” Randy continued, in the lilting drawl that fans have come to love.
There’s no such thing as American. I don’t have to identify with an American worldview. I don’t care what my passport says. Jesus says different. And who are you to tell me otherwise? I have a right to my opinion. The Constitution says so.
“And hallelujah to that,” interrupted Mr Chambers. He went on:
If I was asked to sum up succinctly what we’re saying here, I would say this: We are not and will not be what we were and thought we were then when we might and will yet be what we may have thought we would be now.
The group says it has no plans to relocate, citing the handiness of Disney World, Walmart and Dunkin’ Donuts as reasons for remaining in their current premises.
Meanwhile, Reverend Peter Ould of the UK has announced that he is “post-English,” though he admits he still struggles with thoughts of tea and scones “during low periods.”