Last December a broad coalition of anti gay organizations ran this newspaper ad featuring “ex-gays” in opposition to hate crimes legislation. The ad failed to identify what it called “former homosexuals” but those of us familiar with ex-gay groups immediately recognized (from right to left) Randy Thomas, Janet Boynes, and Mike Ensley but the woman on the left remained a mystery.
It’s now apparent she is, Lorraine Durso, a staff member, and evidently ex-gay at Worthy Creations Ministry, an ex-gay ministry in Fort Lauderdale, FL. (Worthy Creations’ website only names its executive director on the website but Exodus’ “2006 Freedom Conference Recap” mentions Durso.)
Durso came to the attention of my fellow gay bloggers when Exodus membership director Randy Thomas announced on his personal weblog a relationship with her and posted photos of the couple.
Congratulations to Randy for what he indicates is a fulfilling and meaningful development in his personal life.
Miss Durso also took part in the Exodus protest of the APA a few months back.
She’s quite an activist.
I thought the purpose of hate crime and other special legislation wasn’t to protect the most valuable people, but to protect the most vulnerable. A Nobel Prize winner’s murderer isn’t going to (by law) get a longer sentence than the murderer of the guy who works at the local 7-eleven who has a double digit IQ. Children aren’t necessarily more valuable to society, but they are more vulnerable and that’s why they get special laws.
Well, I believe that congratulations are in order! Randy has succeeded in doing what most men can only dream of doing: dating a lesbian. May their days be numerous and their nights long!
In all seriousness though, I with them well.
Randy has also been touting his new-found heterosexuality and attraction to Ms. Durso. It appears that this relationship has now been in place for 4 1/2 months.
I’m glad he found somebody who makes him happy but both of them have absolutely no regard for any gay relationships and actively attempt to use the laws of this country to interfere with gay couple’s ability to lead happy committed lives.
Randy and Lorraine aren’t going to get any respect from me or any wedding presents should it come to that.
Photo of Lorraine Durso with a “Change Is Possible” sign is findable here.
Reblaw was right on: “the purpose of hate crime and other special legislation wasn’t to protect the most valuable people, but to protect the most vulnerable.”
Would someone please explain this to EXODUS for me? I told Alan Chambers about the hate crime that took my friend’s life and that nearly killed me. In June 2002, five drunken gang members yelling “faggot” attacked us without provocation in the parking lot of a local gay bar.
One of them stabbed my best friend, Jeffery Owens, five times in the back and then turned and stabbed me in the back because he “thought I was calling the police”. (I was.) Jeffery bled to death on the operating table. Although I am doing much better, I still suffer with PTSD.
When I told Alan the story, he wrote back that he was “sorry” but reminded me that “sometimes bad things happen to people”. He then defended a quote on the EXODUS website that “hate crime laws are a tool to crush Christian evaneglism.”
I was shocked and disgusted by his response. That an organization that I helped create would deviate so FAR from its original mission and ministry makes my heart and gut sick.
Micheal,
These people aren’t Christian, as I am sure you’re are aware. They wear the button that that says “Kiss me I’m Christian”, but the spirit and the devotion are not there. Christ consorted with criminals and tax collectors. He sat and talked with the leppers. He held council with prostitutes. Obviously, I am not comparing gays with any of these people, but the evangelicals do. And since they perceive us to be very much like the dregges of society that their holy mentor loved as dearly as anyone else, how can they claim Christianity. I too, had a friend who was nearly killed by a mob. He, however, was a straight guy who was due to be married in two days time. After being at a gay bar, since a good majority of his friends are gay, he started home to see his fiance. He was attacked and after his throat was cut, he was thrown into a dumpster to die. He spent what was to be his wedding day in the hospital recovering from injuries that could have killed him. In the end, he survived. He and his lovely wife were married, weeks later. They are now expecting their first child. I’ve mentioned this episode to many “love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of people. THe response is always the same. “He shouldn’t have been there.” I can only ask them…What would Jesus do?
From the Coloradoan article Timothy posted:
“Today (same-sex desire) is like an annoying fly. I can easily dispel temptation,” he [Randy Thomas] said.
~~
From Mike Haley’s 101 F.A.Q.’s About Homosexuality p140:
“While temptations still occasionally come my way, I liken them to a pesky fly.”
I am just relieved that he got someone from the ex-gay movement. I can’t help but wonder how well some of these heterosexual spouses understand what they are getting into with their future ex-gay spouse.
interesting article
i now look forward
to round the clock updates
on the personal lives
of ex-gays from exgaywatch
I’m sick of the libel that any of us who do not support “hate crime” legislation are either anti-gay or soft on crime. All violent crime (which is always hateful, by the way) should be treated seriously and punished severely regardless of the victim. Why should someone get a lesser penalty because his victim was a heterosexual? This issue is about equal treatment under the law and protecting ~all~ members of society.
The punishment for all first degree murder should be life imprisonment at hard labor.
FWIW, here is another pic from the APA protest in New Orleans last summer. I guess the family that pickets together, well you know.
On my blog I posted the comments, of the former wife of a gay man. She wrote at length about her experience. She offers the following advice:
“To all you single men out there: PLEASE…..if you are struggling with your orientation (even a little), do NOT pull a woman into your struggle with you. (At least not through covert operations)! It’s not a good deal. Not for you, not for her. Give her the gift of being able to wait for a man who is secure in being able to commit to a heterosexual relationship with her.”
I am just relieved that he got someone from the ex-gay movement. I can’t help but wonder how well some of these heterosexual spouses understand what they are getting into with their future ex-gay spouse.
Here. Here. One question tho. Is ex-gay pairing up encouraged by Exodus? It seems the more I read about some of these ex-gay marriages both parties are former gays.
FWIW, here is another pic from the APA protest in New Orleans last summer. I guess the family that pickets together, well you know.
Did you read the caption under that pic? Do we look unhappy? I don’t think so!
All I can say is that anyone can smile for the camera. Duh..
Great post and comments at your site, Peterson. The stories shared there – and this post and photos of Randy and Lorraine – and Randy’s announcement on his own site – sparked an uneasy deja vu for me. I’m guessing more than a few of us here remember the rush of finding a woman (or man, if we’re female) who loved us and brought the promise of a ‘normal’ life. The excitement of courtship and the validation received by sharing the wonderful news and photos with the world was quite heady. My Christian fiance and I crossed some sexual boundaries we had set and I felt more thrilled by my ability to function than guilty. The affirmation of my ongoing ‘healing’ by ex-gay friends and our fairy tale wedding ended 15 yrs. later in a very painful divorce. I don’t wish that for Randy and Lorraine – or anyone – but it’s certainly a common experience for many ex-gays who now have ’20/20 hindsight.’
Is ex-gay pairing up encouraged by Exodus? It seems the more I read about some of these ex-gay marriages both parties are former gays.
In my opinion and experience – yes.
I think within Exodus circles it’s seen as easier when both parties struggle with the same thing, and then one is not expecting something the other cannot (or may not be able to) give. At least both will come at the marriage with some degree of realistic expectation, unlike some mixed marriages where one spouse doesn’t know the orientation troubles of the other or thinks that there will be no problems because change has “already happened” or is inevitable.
Still, like Rick says, there are always those giddy moments and the flood of joy that comes from feeling normal and healed. I experienced it myself and remember praising God because I thought it meant I was healed and that I was going to be able to have a “regular” marriage.
Anyway, I really want to steer clear, for myself, of judging Randy and Lorraine and their relationship. It’s one thing to talk about what Exodus thinks in theory, but another thing to dissect the relationship or motivations of someone we don’t know.
They’re the only ones that really know what it’s like, and I hope that it is a good and healthy relationship for both of them. I just wouldn’t base the success of other potential ex-gay matchups (and most certainly not on mixed orientation matchups) on whether theirs is successful or not (the ‘if they did it, anybody can do it’ ex-gay syndrome).
Rick:
I can identify with what you wrote. When I was struggling with being transgendered, a well meaning, but ignorant christian authority figure assured me a relationship with a woman would heal me. Who wouldn’t welcome an easy way out like that? I met some one fell in love – the promised healing was icing on the cake.
10 years later, a nasty ADF subsidized divorce, press coverage, etc.– an absolute nightmare and two young children who were awarded to the mentally ill parent (not me). Outcome, predictable, the two kids are very troubled and alienated to this day. The ADF and local christianists denied me all contact with the children who loved me, and denied them an opportunity to work through this all.
I pray Randy and Lorraine think twice about having children. Then think about it a couple more times.
The political ex-gay and christianist agenda of bringing hate destroys so many lives.
Wow, what a sad story, Sharon. I hope you and your kids are reconciled some day. Alienation efforts by a mentally ill parent – support by a homophobic environment – are so destructive.
I agree with Christine that we shouldn’t judge and that only Randy and Lorraine can really know what their relationship is like. I wonder, though, if I (and other ex-gays who married) would have made other choices if I had really seen and heard about the fallout from ill-advised marriages. I also agree with Christine that two ex-gays are probably a better match than an otherwise mixed-orientation couple. On the other hand, I wonder if such a match might double the difficulty experienced when only one of the partners has a history of same sex attraction?
interesting article i now look forward to round the clock updates
on the personal lives of ex-gays from exgaywatch.
Nothing was mentioned of this at all until Randy used his relationship as evidence of “change” in a public interview with a newspaper. Randy, not Ex-Gay Watch, placed this in the public debate. Even so, only the truth has been presented in the article above. It is a relevant counter point to Randy’s statement to the Coloradoan that his new girl friend is ex-gay as well and we would be irresponsible if we didn’t mention that.
David-just wondering when you said you taught God’s love during your days as a Sunday school teacher, did you also teach the other attributes of God, i.e. jealous, just, wrathful, judging, to name a few? Many people choose to teach that He is “soft”, loves everything we are and do, so it really doesn’t matter if we try to follow the script or not (Bible)
Posted by: fiona wright at December 10, 2006 12:29 AM
fiona, you are referring to something from another thread entirely. Please stay on topic when posting.
Daren said earlier: “These people aren’t Christian, as I am sure you’re are aware. They wear the button that that says “Kiss me I’m Christian”, but the spirit and the devotion are not there.”
As much as i disagree with EXODUS on almost everything else, I have to disagree with you on this one. All of the EXODUS members I have met are sincere and dedicated Christians. That said, I respect their right to be wrong on the “gay issue.”
And to Mark on December 8– I don’t believe EXODUS is “soft on hate”. I do believe they need to post a very CLEAR, PUBLIC anti-hate statement on the front page of their website — something I have repeatedly asked Alan Chambers to do and which he has continually refused to do for some odd reason.
Hate Crimes are dsigned to terrorize and SILENCE an entire community of vulnerable and despised human beings. They are not just crimes against an individual. They are a message to “stay hidden and subordinate if you know what’s good for you”. EXODUS opposes hate hate crime laws because they believe they are a plot to “crush Christian evangelism”. EXODUS is afraid that if Hate Crime laws exist, then people will think that gays are special and “OK: — and that more people will want to be gay. WE can’t have THAT, can we? Keeping gays in fear of their lives in a tool to draw people into exgay programs.