While summarizing more than two-dozen recent news stories involving mostly antigay and exgay activists on Sept. 22, QueerlyKos (TerranceDC) observed:

When I weigh in one hand the best that the “ex-gay” path can offer me, and the life that I have now with my family, there’s no contest.

What’s stranger still is that, at bottom, the “ex-gay” and I are simply different sides of the same coin. I thought about it as I was getting lunch, and realized that the eatery was playing instrumental Christian “Muzak” over the AP. I recognized one of the chorus of one song that I grew up hearing and singing, around the time I was coming out (at 12): “At the cross, at the cross, where I first saw the light, and the burdens of my heart rolled away. It was there by faith I received by sight, and now I am happy all the day.”

The difference between the “ex-gay” and me is simple one of different burdens, different struggles. The minister Wayne Besen writes about, sees his sexuality as a burden, a cross to bear. Growing up and coming out in a similar religious context, for me, has meant something different. Despite all my noise about being “out, loud, and proud” the struggle for me has been to let myself believe that I’m worthy of love and happiness “Just As I Am,” to borrow a phrase from another hymn. The burden is having been taught almost from the beginning that I don’t, and contending with people who still believe that.

Which struggle is harder?

Categorized in:

Tagged in: