For about two years, Ben, a early-20’s guy struggling to reconcile his sexual orientation and his religious faith, blogged on a site called Scattered Words. (Vital Voice interview here)
I have not always been generous in my attitude towards Ben and originally I suspected him of being a fake identity. But over time I came to see a young man genuinely anguished in his efforts to become the man he wanted to be. For the past six months or so it seems to me that he has been growing discouraged at the disconnect between his religious identification and his emotional attraction to guys (one in particular). Writing about his feelings appeared to be painful and disheartening.
Ben’s posting has been increasingly infrequent – his last was on July 24th – and now his website is no longer active. Perhaps Ben will reinstate his blog. But we may also have heard the last of his thoughts and dreams in his quest to live a life consistent with the teachings of his religion.
If we do not hear again from Ben, I wish him well. We cannot know whether he will eventually become accepting of his orientation or if he will continue to pursue his ex-gay efforts. But in either case, I hope he finds a way to reconcile his life and his faith in a way that is rewarding and fills him with peace.