From A Tenable Belief:
I wish that anyone struggling with sexual orientation and religious issues could get a clear message from ex-gay ministries and gay-affirming folks alike: We want you to survive, first and foremost, take care of yourself, and be healthy. With that, you’ll have the chance (time, energy, intellect) to work through whatever else you need to do.
I know what it’s like to live in dark places. Not related to orientation or religion in many years, but the kind of difficult places that make it hard to believe that some sort of light or peace is going to break through the cloud tomorrow, or next week.
“Better dead than gay,” and less severe variations on that message, contributed to the death of ATB author Steve’s deeply religious partner Dale several years ago. And it is a message allegedly uttered and later denied by Exodus board member John Smid.
The message exemplifies, for me, one of the dangers of projecting one’s own personal quirks, animosities and fears onto spiritual faith, and then — deliberately or incidentally — cherry-picking the Bible verses that conform to one’s pre-existing mindset.
The unconditional desire for people who are “different” to excel requires a good dose of good will and charity. Good will and true charity, in turn, require ministers and counselors to grow outside of their own personal boundaries — their own egos, insecurities, and assumptions.
I once read a quote that said, “You can be sure you’ve created God in your own image when He hates all the same people you do.” I agree with it wholeheartedly. It’s one thing to follow a religion that speaks to one’s deepest hopes and beliefs. It’s entirely another to twist the message of a religion so that you don’t have to challenge your prejudices. Subscribing to a spirituality that doesn’t challenge you to be a better, more loving and accepting person is just masturbation by proxy.
The unexamined life is not worth living.
Socrates was correct I think. It is essential that we not become complacent, but continue to grow. This goes for Christians and atheists and everything in between.
Steve, I’m very sad to hear about Dale. Some things should just never happen, and that’s one of them.
David Roberts
Thanks, David… I agree with you. The mantra some folks find helpful about “everything happens for a reason” had always irritated me, but Dale’s death taught me exactly why.
Thank you for posting this Mike. And Steve, I am very sorry for your loss as well. Timothy Kincaid of XGW offerred me this type of “peace and good will” in my recent dialogue with him (you can read it in the comments following the link below). I can’t tell you how much this meant to me. Reading ATB gave me hope that there are others out there like Timothy.
https://exgaywatch.com/blog/archives/2003/11/childporn_charg.html
Singer