Ex-Gay Watch’s Joe Riddle also has his own blog, Purple America.

Over at Purple America, Joe observes that the importance that he assigns to his sexuality has changed as he gets older. He and his friends sometimes “forget” he’s gay, and the fact is, I have observed the same thing in my life. I find myself agreeing the most with Joe here:

Part of this ‘forgetting’ I’m gay has to do with the fact that I’m in a relationship, which erases a lot differences. When you’re in a happy relationship, and going out to flirt or get laid is not a pursuit, life falls into a ‘couple’ routine that is pretty much identical whether you’re straight or gay. We are all preoccupied with the same concerns–upgrading our homes, keeping up with family obligations, creating stability; the routine of married life. During the after-work hours, we all know that we can’t stay out too long becuase the person we love most in the world is waiting at home.

Like Joe, my life was once divided along gay/straight lines — but only for a few years, in my mid-twenties. I had just moved to a new city, and attended a predominantly gay Catholic church on Sunday nights but otherwise spent most of my social time with a young, intelligent, progressive woman named Gisele and her circle of pals. The places that exgays stereotypically associate with “gay” night life never appealed to me, and still don’t.

Does my ordinary life make me postgay? No, I don’t think so, but then I never bought into identity politics of the left or right.

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