Aerial view of Washington’s Dupont Circle. I see upscale shoppers and workers sipping chais or chowing on wraps. Ben claims to see a place where he can’t walk without being accosted by gay men. What different people see — I guess it’s a Rorschach sort of thing.
Aerial view of the operational Reactor 1 and surrounding infrastructure at Three Mile Island. You can see steam rising toward you from two cooling towers. Among other terrorist targets, Microsoft’s TerraServer site also displays aerial photos of nuclear waste disposal sites, vast oil tank farms, and dams. Here’s an aerial view of the World Bank, my former employer. You can zoom in further to see window panes in the glass roof.
Aerial view of Focus on the Family.
Ah, Mike I wouldn’t doubt him on that. When I was younger and hung out at a gay youth group the guys used to complain about the unwanted attention they would sometimes get. Luckily, I am a husky fellow and didn’t get that attention and so can only count one or two times I got some unwanted attention. One poor fellow had a car follow him around the block! Although, in his case that was partly from being young and mostly from dressing like a hooker.
Jason, I don’t doubt for a second that Ben — and women in the neighborhood — get unwanted attention “sometimes,” as you say.
The open questions for me are 1a) how often is Ben accosted by some gay men, 1b) how often is he not accosted by other gay men, 2) whether Ben directly repudiates the offender, or assumes a mindset of powerlessness, and 3) whether Ben blames specific lecherous individuals, or blames gay people generally, or men generally.
In the linked discussion, Ben offered unqualified agreement with James Dobson’s ideology. Ben would benefit from greater caution about what, exactly, he agrees or disagrees with.
Among other generalizations, Dobson frequently misdefines and condemns “feminists” as a class. I think that’s sad. Conservative Christians could learn a lot from women who dare to take action against male sexual violence and who — in word and deed — demand that their bodies and minds be treated with respect.
In fact, the feminist movement is responsible for the fact that police have pursued Ben’s recent sexual-assault case at all, and for the fact that portions of society no longer blame survivors when they are sexually assaulted.
Oh I agree with you about that, but this guy has been molested and that has a tendency to shoot to hell good decision making. I don’t know what it is about abuse but people that have been abused have a tendency to draw far more than their share of life’s problems. I have only known two other people that suffered abuse and if you gave them hundred positive choices they would reject all of them in favor of two or three negative choices that have greatest risk of causing more pain. I mean he could have explored a couple of friendships and never found his way into that bar or at least not alone or at least had someone he could talk to.
He is a nice fellow but he pushes away friendships/relationships as “unhealthy” but then some how winds up in even more “unhealthy” places afterwards. He thinks the only thing there is to being gay is sex. Well you can say that about the heterosexual lifestyle too. Heteros have single bars, pick up bars, strip bars, brothels, prostitute and plenty of pornography. They flaunt their lifestyle by wearing wedding bands, kissing in public, and putting pictures of their girlfriend/boyfriend on their desk. They chase each other wherever both men and woman share the same space. Women wear short tight dresses to get male attention. Men hit on anything in a dress that looks nice enough and stays still long enough. He thinks gay relationships lack monogamy. Please, hetero’s cheat all the time. He should work at an all male work place. You soon how lustful hetero guys are when it comes to women.
Once he gets past the self-hate he might reach understanding about himself and make more responsible choices about his sexuality but at the moment I don’t think so.
Ben is a sexual compulsive who confuses sexual compulsive with homosexuality. He thinks they are the same thing. He needs to get some therapy and better get into a group (such as Sexual Compulsives Anonymous) to deal with this problem. He would also see some straight people there and begin to distinguish sexual compulsion from being gay.
https://www.sca-recovery.org/
I agree that Ben seems like a nice fellow. I wouldn’t have invited him out to lunch if I didn’t think so.
I can think of some important, concrete choices that people need to make, whether they are ex-gay or not:
1. Am I sexually or romantically attracted to the opposite gender? Is my particular attraction rooted in affection, arousal, love, compassion, abuse, low self-esteem, or something else?
2. Am I sexually or romantically attracted to the same gender?
Is my particular attraction rooted in affection, arousal, abuse, love, compassion, low self-esteem, or something else?
3. Can I, or should I:
a) form a partnership with the same gender,
b) form a partnership with the opposite gender,
c) date / play the field
d) practice chastity or celibacy?
I don’t think these decisions can be made soundly when one is experiencing issues with addiction or compulsion.
I have lived in Washington DC for 15 years, been out,loud and proud for the last 4 years, and work just south of Dupont Circle. I go through that neighborhood at least 4 – 5 times a week, and I can report that I have NEVER been so much as whistled at by anyone in that circle or that neighborhood. And I’m told I’m pretty good-looking (I of course, don’t see it, but that’s probably a symptom of my emotional immaturity :-).
Statistically speaking, my experience therefore cancels out Ben’s, and we’re back to square one.
And I am really offended by his characterization of the entire gay male community, I notice he does not even mention lesbians, especially his use of JR’s – please Mary I don’t go into that place ’cause you can’t get a drink there if you’re over 30.
As for the emphasis on sex that supposedly drives the gay male – I’ll remember that over the next few weekends as I’m sitting in days-long grant hearings for Brother, Help Thyself, the local gay community chest in the DC/Baltimore area. Those singing groups and mentoring programs and support groups for the mentally ill that apply for grants are all just fronts for wild sexual abadon and orgies, right?
Well, I’m just back from a little jaunt over to Ben’s site for the first time. I find it rather laughable that he has the nerve to say that he would never consider any gay person emotionally healthy, when he comes off as a very compulsive, unhappy,–even angry–individual. But what do I know about being gay? I’ve once never stepped foot into a bathhouse, so I’m clearly uninformed. (Too bad–maybe Bette Midler would have made a surprise visit.)
The thing I appreciate about blogs like Ex-Gay Watch is that they’re not focused on the rantings/musings/dronings of a single individual, but are dedicated to honest and open discussion of a particular topic or issue. And more importantly, Mike, I’ve never once seen you belittle someone or close your mind to any position offered here, but rather, you’ve responded in a reasoned, respectful way, even when you strongly disagree. I find it supremely ironic that the “ex-gays” who complain, loudly and often, that they aren’t being respected for their choices are usually the ones to disrespect anyone else with a contrary worldview, or worse yet, those who would dare to confront them when they are being unfair or drawing stereotypes.
So, with Ben’s unwillingness to open himself to more healthy experiences which would allow him to broaden his understanding of gay people in general, his blog is simply an electronic exercise in narcissism. And narcissism is just so very boring.
(Which, IMHO, is a reflection of the ex-gay mindset in general. The focus is always on the particular individual and the current status of their “problem,” rather than on Christ alone, which creates a very self-centered version of Christianity. But that’s a discussion for another thread.)
After seeing the aerial photo of FotF HQ
Now that’s what I call a real target of opportunity.
Probably not, even if we favored violence as a valid response to theocracy.
Focus is located next door to the United States Air Force Academy.
A friend of mine manages to get cruised in Boseman, Montana and Boone, North Carolina. Me? I think I’ve noticed being cruised twice in my life, once in Arlington Virginia and again in London, England. Having hung out in Dupont Circle for several years, I just didn’t see it. But again, my friend would say otherwise.
In the end, I think it has a lot to do with what you are looking for. Cruising has never been my cup of tea — even when I was young and beautiful — so unless it was glaringly obvious, zoom, right over my head. My friend would tell a different story. I think in Ben’s case, he’s much more actively looking for it, both as a young, sociable gay man and as someone whose been sexually abused. (Something one of the sites I’m sure he’s familiar with points out.
Speaking of Ben, at the rate he’s going, he’s going to either get himself terribly hurt or killed in the next year or so. (And that’s leaving out the strong likelihood of HIV infection.) I really hope there are people in his life who can help him pick up the pieces. If not, with luck, he’ll have sense enough to call the Whitman-Walker Clinic when trouble strikes. I worked for them for several years while I was getting my Master’s in Psych, dealing with a lot of people like Ben. WWC’s programs can really help.