From a message posted to the Silt blog, and mentioned briefly in comments at XGW some time back:
John Paulk called into Mike Signorile’s radio talk show last week. It was truly amazing radio. Paulk said he was a fan of the show. He went on to make some startling admissions about still fighting gay lust and disagreeing with many on the Christian Right. He even said that the Christian Conservatives need to “admit they don’t love gays and start from there.” He made other comments about when he went to the gay bar in DC and said he felt more comfortable around gay people because they are more understanding, compassionate, intelligent, etc. The way Paulk was going on and on it was like a gay recruitment ad.
I don’t feel sorry for John’s wife, Anne, if John publicly admits experiencing same-sex attraction. So what if he does? I don’t see how that reflects on her, or their marriage. I assume that all marriages experience some degree of external attraction, and that sexual desire within some marriages might be significantly lower than the spouses’ sexual temptations from outside the marriage.
Contrary to the assertions of the Christian Right, marriage is not solely about one penis and one vagina. It’s about building a family.
John Paulk called? John Paulk, the freak?
Give me a break. If the freak wants to be an “ex-gay,” let him. If he wants to make it a political issue, dump him.
*clap clap clap*
I have a hard time convincing some people that I am really capable of loving a woman or a man properly, because I am attracted to both. When people, especially queer people, imply that ex-gays aren’t to be believed if they aren’t 100 percent heterosexual, it really gets on my nerves! Thank you for delivering something different.
If that wasn’t Paulk, I’m sure we’ll know soon enough. You know Anne’s got a new book out, right?
I’m joining in Jayelle’s applause.
The way I see it, my husband is sometimes attracted to other women, and I’m sometimes attracted to other women. It doesn’t mean anyone needs to feel sorry for him or think less of our marriage; the point is, we’re both faithful to each other. You can’t choose complete lack of sexual attraction to anyone else, but you can choose fidelity.
Exactly. Exactly. I’m a predominately lesbian woman married to a man. It’s all about family, not genitals.
It was John; Mike Signorile told me so last month. Good for John, I say. Credit where it is due. Doesn’t make me a fan of his employer, the Portland Fellowship, but I appreciate much of what he said on the radio.
Raj, calling a fellow human a freak doesn’t help, and I find it offensive.
Several observations:
It seems that John Paulk is trying to dissent from the orthodoxy of the ex-gay movement. All of this is for the good. However, given the way our media-culture works, only simplistic, “on-message”, messages tend to get through, because they are repeated again and again by large organizations. John’s dissent will have a hard time being heard persistently unless he keeps it up and others take it up, both ex-gays and those of us who “watch” the ex-gay movement.
His comments here earlier about the complexity of his life point to some of the issues he is dealing with. As I said then, he, and other ex-gay leaders, need to begin to acknowledge the complexity, and non-sterotypical forms, of gay life as well. Perhaps he is beginning to do this. I doubt the straight (non-ex-gay) leadership within the ex-gay movement will move in that direction any time soon. Of course a real acknowledgment of the complexity of gay lives by ex-gays would probably undo the ex-gay movement in the long-run.
Another issue which John is raising, other than “family”, is community.
First, I wonder to what extent local organizations within the ex-gay movement create supportive and authentic communities (however that is understood). The fact that he found a gay bar to be more supportive than what he is surrounded with on a regular basis says a great deal. But we also have to ask ourselves to what extent local organizations among gays create and maintain authentic communities. Communities do need to be constructed and maintained and that is really not an easy task. My local Dignity chapter is dealing with this right now, i.e. how to revision, refocus, adjust, and reform what is a largely already functioning and supportive community. I wonder if John could finally find a real community is something like MCC which seems close to his own tradition.
Since that really was John, I think I have an insight as to why he left Focus on the Family. They’re nothing if not simplistic. I’m glad that he’s trying to communicate another type of message now.
how much energy can one man spend on not being gay? honestly, just give it up and get on with it. you like men. big fucking deal.