New Direction, the Ontario-based Christian ministry known to Ex-Gay Watch readers for its 2009 break with Exodus International, will host Relevant Engagement this weekend, with guest speaker Tony Campolo, the evangelical speaker and University of Pennsylvania sociologist.
The event will be live-streamed on the official website from 6.30pm onwards on Saturday, October 9.
New Direction began in 1985 as an ex-gay ministry, but over the last few years has rejected the narrow confines and false dichotomies of the ex-gay movement and broadened its mission to embracing gays and lesbians wherever they are in their faith journey and however they reconcile their faith and sexuality. While the ministry’s evolution was initially interpreted as a bridge-building exercise, I think I’m right in saying that Executive Director Wendy Gritter now prefers the “generous space” metaphor. New Direction wants to help Christians create a spaciousness where people of different theologies, different sexualities and different life choices respect, love and learn from one another without judgment.
For some positive insights into how New Direction is being received by some gay Christians, see this interview (also parts 2 and 3) with Wendy Gritter and Shane, a one-time client of the ministry who is now in a happy same-sex marriage.
Why I Believe in a Generous Space
I cannot speak for other Ex-Gay Watch contributors, but I would like to offer two reasons why I support this kind of attempt at bridge-building, or making generous spaces.
The first is that we mistakenly tend to view progress as a temporal journey that all of society makes together. So in 1950, we were at A with gay rights, in 1970 we were at B, in 1990 at C and now, in 2010, we’ve arrived at D and still have a long way to go. So we naturally condemn people who are still at B when everyone else is at D, but we forgive people who were at A half a century ago because no one had arrived at D yet–they were part of a different society, and they hadn’t progressed.
The problem with that viewpoint is that not everyone is part of society in the same way. Society comprises sub-societies, counter-societies and all sorts of social groupings–whether ethnic, religious or political for example–moving in different directions, at different paces and at different times. Progress isn’t just vertical, with society in a monolithic climb towards the ideal; it’s horizontal, occurring in different groups at different times. My guess is even the most progressive gays and lesbians acknowledge this by making allowances for, say, elderly parents or grandparents who, because they belong to a different generation, haven’t quite caught up with modern notions of equality.
The second reason is that I was once a conservative evangelical Christian, and therefore I’m not cynical about the potential for people to change their minds and their hearts when confronted with evidence and experience of others different from them. From when I first questioned the Christian condemnation of homosexuality, through to having an open heart toward gays and lesbians, to accepting them and eventually accepting myself as a gay man, it took the best part of four years. Why would I deny anyone the same journey by shutting them out? Hearts and minds don’t change overnight. We all–gays and lesbians includes–need time to be challenged by seeing and warming to the humanity in others.
I’ll be tuning in on Saturday night, and I am eagerly following the progress of New Direction; I encourage you to do the same. I’d also like this article to stimulate some discussion about the entire subject we’ll call, for lack of a better term, bridge-building. We’ve seen New Direction, Andrew Marin, Warren Throckmorton, the Gay Christian Network and others, all apparently aspiring to breach the gap. Does it work? Can it ever work? How?
As usual Dave you have written a very understandable and fair piece of journalism. I too would say there is a journey of acceptance and understanding from all sides. As you say it was to take you 4 years to accept yourself as a gay man….and I would add that my heart was taking a similar journey of faith around the same time. I felt prepared (by God?) to identify with gay and lesbian members of society (not just Christians) and subsequently to be able to accept your homosexuality. We need to value one another and walk across that bridge….I’ve found it isn’t a scary experience at all.
It is my experience that acceptance comes with small steps, without judgement, with a will to understand and a heart that is open to breaching (I like that word) the gap. You ask how this can happen and that’s a toughie….with each one taking one small step, one small risk to encourage every member of society as we meet to be a gap filler…starting with me (if that makes sense to you). I don’t think we’ll ever all travel at the same speed but engaging in this issue is a very sensible starting point.
I can always keep an open mind about listening to various journeys different folks have taken. That’s why I volunteer for PFLAG, or institutions like the Simon Weisenthal Center.
What I don’t understand is why the exception is made regarding the experience of gay people and NOT choosing to be gay. All straight folks have to do is listen, and by comparing notes, would find out that gay folks come by their orientation the way gay folks do, and NO ONE should demand that gay people give theirs up…or else suffer unfair repercussions.
The other issue in all that goes to the question of being hung up sexual orientation, and not the other things of interest and support that gay folks have an can accomplish.
That’s why I ask the question regarding why those things that are applauded and supported when done by heteros, are vilified and shut down when gay folks do them.
So, that’s also why, I suggest, since gay folks know more about straight folks, than the other way around, perhaps for a while it’s the gay folks that deserve the floor of being listened to and believed.
Coming to a middle, where TRUST is, can only be established if one side acknowledges how little they’ve allowed the other to be heard in the first place.
Just sayin’.
But the New Directions approach certainly at least puts the opportunity out there. Better than others have done.
Personally… we’ve always found Wendy to be a charming individual.
Not a disarming individual, like too many of her greasy compatriots who are merely after something, but a charming one. Having a good sense of humour, growing in self-awareness, and coping with three kids (with cheeks that simply beg to be pinched by old Greek ladies) and being Canadian all add to the positives.
Unlike too many of these warriors, we could imagine having Wendy as a neighbour; and getting on well with Wendy as a neighbour.
Sure… she probably would be praying for our souls… and wasting her own time… but I also get the sense that the kids would be jumping the fence and learning how to grow carrots or lettuce with us. And the first thing that came back when the kids went home with an armload of ‘their’ vegetables would be an invitation to a bbq.
We don’t know Wendy from a bar of soap, and a few brief emails, but that’s the sense we get.
Also — if I can stretch the picture just a little more before splitting it — I think Wendy (and New Direction) is “off” the idea of the term ‘building bridges’. (Something Wendy said somewhere or other has stuck in my mind, but don’t ask me for a quote).
We don’t live in Venice. I shouldn’t need a damn bridge to anyone. A smile, and a wave, and a hello over our fences aught to be more than enough with neighbours. Think what they want, a low white picket fence should be more than enough to keep the peace between us. A fence low enough for kids to feel free to come and collect a ball they kicked too hard on occasion, but a fence nonetheless.
We two have never dug a deep moat around ourselves. Minorities cannot do that, realistically.
Hence, I’m not going to build a bridge or build a boat. But if others decide to drain their moats, they’ll find they are free to wander our way any time they feel like it.
I’ll have the kettle on.
Sweet grantdale,
Quite fair.
I had a bit of a revelation last night. I was at a party for a woman who is retiring from managing a senior’s apartment complex.
I started a conversation about how these adversarial television shows aren’t exactly portraying the real of competing say, for college entrance or other arenas for a higher place.
But she liked shows like Survivor and has watched it since it’s beginning.
But SHE said something about how it’s like the ‘school yard’ and a person has to get in good with whoever they think will help them and support them through the situation.
There will be the bullies and the ones who take everything without earning it.
But, she said…that’s life and her attitude had a that’s the way it’s always been so why bother changing it, kind of attitude.
Which seems all well and good to someone who hasn’t had to bury their child because of such brainless hostility, or because some factions (like powerful churches) think themselves acting on a higher moral plane, but they are bullies and sociopathic too.
Gang members are such a tribe of takers, and making no distinction, nor teaching it, about what treating the perceived weak, or whether it’s right to NEVER listen to someone’s hurt you’re causing, then it’s meaning is lost. Even on those who have entitled themselves in the instruction, and who also can’t be bothered to know any better or teach any better than those schoolyard bullies.
That woman, btw, is Southern Baptist, and TOLD me, I should go to church.
She didn’t ASK, she didn’t bother to find out FIRST…she TOLD me I needed to go to church.
Which has always been a bit offensive to me.
I told her, when I go to worship at all…I REALLY liked temple. Which I do.
But that’s what I mean about presumptions, assumptions and the lack of charity for those who are perceived as weak (unchurched, gay, and so on) who deserve being bullied into whatever the church or community thinks they should be.
To me, this is more like the barbaric, primal and reactionary brute….that I don’t appreciate being dressed up in expensive garments, preaching one thing, but their socio/political actions give permission to act out in other brute ways.
This isn’t Survivor…
And I don’t think we should be surprised when the next bullying issue, isn’t the loss of ONE beautiful child…but a mass killing like Columbine and so on.
Even a sweet devout girl I know who considers me like a mother, got her back up in annoyance at the idea that this is about ‘a gay thing.’
And that’s the sad part. It IS. There is a huge, gaping difference between the way gay people are treated, and everyone else.
And it’s exhausting to even have the conversation and just how dug in people are about NOT admitting to that, or discussing it.
So as long as that happens, I don’t know why people think that there it will change itself.
But, perhaps it was very naive of me to think that those with the most power to change it, really WANT it to.
They don’t.
And those of us with the most invested, and who have the most effective tool to prevent it, no one wants to listen or they are portraying this as a different goal no one should accept.
We have an opportunity…and it’s being squandered. Again.
How. Depressing.
Grantdale, I don’t think Wendy would even pray for our souls–at least no more and for no different reason than she would for anyone, gay or straight, Christian or non-Christian. I’ve done coffee with Wendy a few times, and she’s more than charming in person–she’s affirming.
I’ve met the Campolos. At a conference in Palm Springs. I traveled with Tim Kincaid to attend it, as a matter of fact.
I think that they are THE most intellectually honest and gifted people about this whole thing.
If anything, where we meet minds, is considering how little we SHOULD be and DO resemble the very culture that cultivated these writings, and how their misinterpretation has been brutal.
Unnecessarily so.
Personally, I consider these texts a chronicling, and analysis of the way people WERE, not the way they should be in a future we imagined that gives us so many ways to see and talk to each other that covers the expanse of the globe INSTANTLY.
No matter how exotic or remote.
And gay people, more than any other human beings…are not exotic or strangers to any human culture and never have been.
Explaining the presence of gay people shouldn’t require any explanation really. What has really mattered all this time, is lost in the anesthesia that pretty much deadens even curiosity.
Which is the most puzzling to me.
But this is where the Campolos feel, and rightly, compelled to encourage that curiosity, and allowing gay people to teach on who they are and their intentions.
If the opposition ever cared to listen, they’d see people with the same needs, goals and abilities.
Which the difference doesn’t change, nor has to.
The difference doesn’t keep gay people FROM getting to the same places heteros do.
We do, after all…have different sides to the globe, to our bodies, to many things in life.
But we allow ourselves to travel to satisfy our needs somewhere in the middle OR the other side.
Whatever gets those needs met. Even a simple education so one doesn’t sweat the stupid and small stuff.
In other words, cooperation to take on bigger things as ALLIES.
The Campolos believe firmly in meeting at that kind of place.
And understand, as I do, that serious intellect and talent is being squandered for something that doesn’t and shouldn’t matter as much as the bigger picture.
I really like those folks because THAT is the sign of someone thinking less selfishly, self righteously…and much more fairly.
@Regan DuCasse , early on in the week, I’ll be writing about what Tony said last night. He said several amazing things–and a few not-so-amazing things. He’s definitely on the side of gay equality, despite personally holding a conservative view on homosexuality.
I’m looking forward to it, David.
;I agree Dave – I think Tony said some remarkable things – particularly remembering that he is 75 years old. I also winced a few times with a certain tone that I know would be a trigger for some of my gay friends who are not “hurting”, “sad”, “struggling” or see their sexual orientation as a “problem” ….. I’m pretty sure my friends would say, “I’m happy, adjusted and enjoying my life as a gay person”. But one of the things I so deeply respect about many of my gay friends is their incredible capacity to extend grace …. and to look at Tony, and particularly as he stands beside his wife Peggy, and say, like the Advocate did of him, “if someone was coming to hurt us – Tony would stand with us”. Tony is a strong advocate, even as he maintains connection with the more conservative, traditional part of the Christian community. This is an important voice of connection.
Grantdale …. its been too long since our little email exchange 😉 …. you’re quite right – I wish we did live beside each other because somebody has to get my kids’ hands in the dirt pulling up carrots and onions!! And despite not remembering the quote, I am wanting to linger on the idea of generous spaciousness much more than the idea of building bridges because the idea of a bridge assumes two polarized positions …. and while there is a lot of that ….. the idea of generous space does not presume polarity but simply creates the opportunity to come together, in the midst of our diversity, and explore common ground, shared values and goals and appreciate and enjoy our shared humanity. This, I think, is a picture of shalom.
Regan – you might be intrigued to know that in my sharing at the event I introduced two new areas of development for us at New Direction that aren’t focused on sexuality at all – but simply will open new pathways of connection, collaboration, and giving and receiving of gifts in the areas of the arts and social justice. Maybe Dave will say something about that in terms of how he heard it …. but for me these developments come out of the place of wanting to nurture points of connection that are not reductionistic, proselytizing, or agenda-driven …. but simply fostering the opportunity for relational connection and collaborative service through shared initiatives to pursue the millenium development goals.
@wendy
Wendy, if you ever find yourself in Los Angeles, dinner is on me. Please get in touch.
@Wendy I wish we did live beside each other
You’re thinking of migrating???
Because there’s no way on earth that we’d be the ones moving to anywhere colder than our refrigerator for 10 months of the year! Also, I walk funny in snow-shoes (those ones that look like a bronze-age attempt at making a tennis racket.)
It has been awhile — I honestly don’t know where this year has gone — but, oddly, we we’re just talking about you (and others) the last week or so… and then this post popped up at XGW.
ps: I did remember where you had mentioned trying to avoid using “bridge building” as a term… it was in your blog posts of that interview that Dave linked to above. See, I told you my memory was failing me!
@wendy
You’ve described here your vision for ‘generous space’ as that which “simply creates the opportunity to come together, in the midst of our diversity, and explore common ground, shared values and goals and appreciate and enjoy our shared humanity.”
However, in your remarks at the Relevant Engagement event (23:20+), you described it as a space where gay kids develop relationships with ‘disciples’ who trust the Holy Spirit will “bring conviction” and “prompt deep and lasting and sustainable life change.”
‘Generous space’ sounds very kumbaya above, but isn’t this just a sweetened, even more deceptive version of your old ex-gay ministry? The goals seem to be the same.
@Steve
Steve, I’ll be posting properly about Wendy’s speech now the video is available. I don’t believe New Direction’s goal is for gays to change their orientation, stop calling themselves gay or quit the “gay lifestyle.” If I know Wendy, I’d say that by those remarks she was referring to the general changes and convictions that anyone experiences, whether gay or straight, as a Christian disciple. At most, I think she might be trying to say to the more traditional element, “Hey, IF God really wants someone to make a change, he’ll make it obvious to them without your help.”
@Steve
In the words you picked up on in my remarks, I was referring, as Dave has already suggested, to the general journey of Christian discipleship – which for anyone, regardless of who they are, will entail “deep and lasting and sustainable life change”. This may mean changing from selfishness to generosity, from pride to humility, from promiscuity to faithfulness, from rudeness to kindness etc. These remarks in no way were meant to refer to a person’s sexual orientation.
I think the rest of my remarks paint a picture of generous spaciousness in which an individual has autonomy, not only in the area of their sense of personal identity, but in the values, beliefs and relationships they choose to own and engage in. My comments about the Holy Spirit express an understanding within the paradigm of Christian faith that creates space for such autonomy whereby we entrust another person to the leading of the Holy Spirit and don’t try to control the outcomes ourselves.
For many Christians this is a pretty radical thought – because they may feel it is their duty to essentially harass another individual until they express agreement with a certain code of ethics and values. What I am suggesting is that Christian people ought to let go of such controlling efforts and trust that the Holy Spirit is more than able to “bring conviction” – a Christian way of saying “motivation”. For a Christian, this kind of paradigm shift can actually allow some space where they can simply focus on accepting and loving a person where they’re at – even if there are differences or disagreements in what they believe or the way they conduct their life. ….. because they can let go of feeling “responsible” for the other person – they can leave that to the Holy Spirit. Understanding Christian people, I think this is one significant way that Christians can feel like they aren’t “compromising” what they believe while at the same time feeling free to be relationally positive and accepting in another person’s life. This concept applies to Christians relating to anyone who has different beliefs and conducts themselves differently – for whatever reason.
The church is supposed to be known for our love for others ….. but it is rarely experienced that way by those not part of the church. However, if Christians actually just trusted that the Holy Spirit is the one who’s job it is to draw others to God or to make whatever life changes are appropriate ….. then Christians could relax and simply accept people where they’re at.
At the end of the day, there may always be differences between people in the values and beliefs and ethics they hold. Christian people are called to love others regardless of those differences – but often fear, anxiety, or an over-developed sense of responsibility or control can often interfere with that. My hope is that by talking about trusting the Holy Spirit, in the manner I do, that Christians will find a way to both honour their own beliefs and to love people unconditionally – part of which is giving them the space to own their own beliefs, values, and decisions.