Quite some time ago, I withdrew exgay personal web sites from the XGW indexes of worthwhile web sites (located in the column to your right) because:
1. Permanent links that lack any explanation might send unsuspecting visitors to sites that advocate unhealthy or self-destructive attitudes.
2. Some exgay blogs turned out to be anonymous fronts or gossipy echo chambers for defamatory and theocratic political organizations.
3. The listed blogs were not linking back to Ex-Gay Watch.
4. One-third of exgay blogs that I surveyed are rarely updated. XGW avoids linking to inactive web sites.
5. XGW does not provide permanent links to the main gay activist organizations and leading gay authors, so why give special treatment to the exgay and antigay ones?
My concerns remain. Nevertheless, I’d like to acknowledge exgay or “beyond gay” writers who think outside the box, who resist the pressure of their peers to parrot the political correctness of the religious right.
What sites would you recommend? Please offer your suggestions. (Feel free to recommend your own web site if you operate an exgay personal web site that thinks outside the box or rejects ulterior political agendas.)
If you can’t think of any sites to recommend, here are some nominations. Some of these sites are not exgay; some simply defy labeling. I have already decided against a few for the reasons stated above, but I am listing them anyway for purposes of discussion and comparison.
Scattered Words
Dr. Throckmorton
ExGay Talk (Podcasts)
David Morrison
Homo Sum
Odd Psalms
Robert Wesley
Out of the Closet
Willful Grace
Christian, Gay and Confused
Dr. Throckmorton presents himself as being more open minded than the rest, but I’ve already caught him in at least one outright lie:
https://wthrockmorton.blogspot.com/2005/10/bill-oreilly-is-right-about-gay-teens.html
Mike-
Grace from Willful Grace is a frequent reader/commenter on my site, and I find both her comments and her blog to be very different from the stereotypical ex-gay approach. She is religiously opposed to homosexuality (meaning she doesn’t think it is in God’s plan), but she is very fair-minded, balanced and open about the subject. I enjoy interacting with her on her blog and mine.
JJ from Christian, Gay, and Confused also gets my nomination for thinking way out of the box regarding her own struggle with reconciling her faith and her sexuality.
As long as we are nominating ex-gay blogs, are we including Randy Thomas’ blog and some of the other Exodus and other ex-gay organization’s blogs?
My concerns remain. Nevertheless, I’d like to acknowledge exgay or “beyond gay” writers who think outside the box…
I’m not exactly sure why you would want to list them in a blog list on the main page. I would suggest that, if they post something that you believe might be of interest at XGW, you cite it in a post on the main page and also a link to the source.
As to your list, I still do not understand your interest with Scattered Words, but that’s another issue.
Are you kidding Raj? Scattered words is like a soap opera – which way will he go? I only read it for the first time recently, it was very strange, I didn’t know who was on what side at first, I’m not sure I do yet.
Actually, since Exodus is mentioned so frequently, I feel it should be linked from here. There seems no point in not linking to a site that is the general topic of discussion. Perhaps a heading like: Sites that are really dangerous and irresponsible would work.
Randi, that’s part of the reason I don’t go there very often. The site is very tedious with the constant melodramatic hand-wringing, the pretentious faux-philosophy, the pointless lashing out at groups or sites like XGW that don’t cater to ex-gay views. I think one of the latest entries was all about how cute some woman on America’s Next Top Model was, and how it was great that he thought she was cute, but oh why couldn’t that be the same as he felt about men. If someone really wants to stop “struggling” with a same-sex attraction, then a good start would be to stop going on a blog and talking about how much they struggle with a same-sex attraction. Otherwise they don’t really want to stop your struggle, they just want to get attention. And I think that was raj’s objection – why give him more attention?
Posted by: James at December 29, 2005 07:58 PM
Man, I’m with you. He certainly has a right to blog about his struggles, and if he finds that cathartic then more power to him. But really, take a Midol already.
Oh the angst of it all…
David
And since he has read some comments here in the past, I should mention that I do hope that he has a happy life, however he chooses to live his life. I just think that he, as many people do, makes so much drama out of an issue, and it’s easy for someone to become addicted to the drama and stagnate. I have been somewhat sketpical of that blog in the past, but decided to give the benefit of the doubt. As part of that benefit of the doubt, I think that if he is struggling with his sexual orientation, then going on and on about it on a blog is probably more harmful than helpful, because that just causes even more focus and self-turmoil on that issue, making the obstacle more difficult.
I just don’t really see the need for “exgay blog nominations”. Why do we need to give more attention or time to these ex-gay blogs? They are already established, I’m sure that they are happy with their readership, and we certainly know they are there, as they know we are here. What’s the point of having a contest about them and giving them free publicity? It just implies that we agree with their viewpoint.
I feel uncomfortable about this.
Randi Schimnosky at December 29, 2005 12:51 PM
Are you kidding Raj? Scattered words is like a soap opera – which way will he go?
Possibly, but Mike Airhart seems to take him seriously. If Mike wants to list him on his home page, he should have a separate category “Humor” I’ve gone there a couple of times, and decided that it wasn’t worth the effort–I didn’t believe a word that was posted.
But I don’t take him seriously. He’s among the sites that I had already ruled out.
I’m looking for sites that provide unique, thoughtful and engaging perspectives. If you ask me, SW and Randy Thomas spend too much time parroting old stereotypes, sidestepping simple questions, and insulting their readers.
I like the idea of listing certain blogs on a separate page with mini-critiques and plentiful warnings: Caveat emptor.
Mike, the problem is that when you link to him, the implication, even if you didn’t mean it that way, is that you at least take him seriously enough to give his site more traffic or attention.
One solution is, don’t have a blog listing. If you find a post on another blog that you might want to comment on, link to the post on the other blog in your comment. That is largely what you have been doing, and it also includes your smack down of the other post.
Oh, by the way, if the opposition (ex-gay-ers) isn’t going to link to you anyway, why should you link to them in a blog listing? Mid-western aphorism: tit-for-tat.
I found this post by checking my sitemeter thing and finding some links from here. Honestly, I don’t consider my blog to be an “ex-gay” blog. Maybe that’s a good thing???? I don’t know. I’m not like some idiot who doesn’t know what’s going on….I do know about this site and I understand (i think) the purpose of it. I’ll admit that while I don’t at all feel opposed to the existence of gays I wonder why there is a site dedicated to the existence of ex-gays. I recognize that people become suicidal over the notion of change and so that is a noble ideal…preventing that sort of pain or that occurence. But still, many of the posts here seem a bit extreme to me (and i’ve not read alot so forgive me for being judgemental). Just my opinion. I do appreciate your consideration of my blog and I’ll certainly do what I can to be helpful or encouraging toward whatever end you think I might be within my realm of belief concerning gays/ex-gays.
in Christ,
grace
you know….i’ve never considered my blog to be “ex-gay”…and yet…it is. I just realized that the only links i’ve posted in my sidebar are for “ex-gays”. duh. i write so much about my family that i don’t really think about that all the time and really don’t consider it. but yes…i guess i am an “ex-gay” blog based on my own description by what i’ve chosen to link…
it may be hard to understand that i could be that thick-headed…but…believe me…i can be…ask my husband!!! haha!!!
grace
grace,
In a nutshell: the organized ex-gay ministries, particularly Exodus, seem to have shifted their mission from simply reorienting gay people to lobbying for anti-gay legislation. I’m not sure why.
Maybe there’s some sense that they have some obligation to God to make their religous positions be the law of the land. I suspect that is the case.
A second possibility is that if they are political, they will get much more funding from other religious/political organizations such as Focus on the Family.
A third, and not as likely, possibility is that with an ever increasing legal acceptance of gay people, the social pressures to become ex-gay diminish thus reducing their potential market.
In any case, as they become more focused on politics, they became more lax in their commitment to honesty. And the need for this site was born.
We (most of us) aren’t anti-ex-gay, for the most part. But we definitely are anti-lies, anti-deceptions, and anti-unsupported crackpot claims.
I, for one, am all for telling someone “we can help you live celibate through prayer and willpower. maybe your sex drive will diminish and we think that some tiny percentage of people may even change their sexual orientation.” I’m not yet convinced that changing orientation is possible – but that’s certainly up for discussion.
What is not OK is what Exodus, Love In Action, and many of the other do. They say “hundreds of thousands have changed through the power of Jesus so gay people shouldn’t adopt”. But they don’t tell the Congressman (or the kid going through their program) that “change” doen’t mean from gay to straight, it is only a label change. And that “hundreds of thousands” isn’t gay people, it’s the total calls in to their center from churches and family members. And that’s where the deceipt just starts. They go on to quote “statistics” which they know to be false, “medical claims” which they know are bogus, and some “homosexual agenda” that has no basis in reality whatsoever.
So someone has to be around to say “hey there, good Christian, Jesus doesn’t need you to lie through your teeth for Him.” And that someone, at the moment, seems to be us, among a few others.
And that’s why we’re here.
But we also serve another role (or would like to). We also are trying to be a place where ex-gay individuals can dialog and perhaps find a common ground.
Now that doesn’t mean we want them to come preach to us and plug their ears when we respond. A few of us are Christians with a pretty solid faith and are going to respond. But we are welcoming of the perspective of people who are seeking to be ex-gay and want to be part of the discussion.
Of course, some here will be hostile (that’s everywhere). And I, for one, am very antagonistic if I think someone is lying or trying to deceive.
But you would certainly be a welcome voice here even if we may not all agree with your underlying positions.
Thanks Timothy for the explanation. I often have a difficult time reconciling my politics with my faith and so I tend to focus on my faith and let the politics go by the wayside. I just don’t find I have the energy for it….maybe I’m lazy, who knows.
Honestly, I’ve spent, at this point, more time reading THIS site than the Exodus site (and that’s not saying much) so I won’t concurr with or defend the claims you’ve made against them. I assume you know what you’re talking about.
I don’t really have much to offer other than a love for ALL of you that is completely seperate from my beliefs about sin, and some personal experiences that have convinced me that change is possible.
Just let me know if there’s anything you think I can do or add to in your discussions here. I’ll be glad to do that anytime. I probably won’t check in here all that regularly. Realistically, my plate is very full now just keeping up with the few blog friends I have and posting now and then to my own blog.
We have a large, active family at our house as you know if you’ve read much on my blog at all. 🙂
Again, thanks for talking with me and thinking of me for your list!!!
grace
FWIW, I thought Grace’s blog was among the best of those listed.
I’ve just been reading a bit on that site (Willful Grace) and there are some great thoughts there – gentle and genuinely Christian. Hats off.
David