Ex-gay quote of the day, from Focus on the Family’s daily CitizenLink e-mail, regarding MTV’s new gay cable network:
Melissa Fryrear, gender issues analyst at Focus on the Family, said there are several problems with the creation of a gay-themed TV channel, not the least of which is the likelihood of it glorifying the homosexual lifestyle. Fryrear said that in these days of so-called “reality television,” when it comes to pro-gay programming, you’re not always seeing reality.
“I’m concerned at the misrepresentation of men and women living homosexually,” she said. “What I mean by that is that you often never see the reality of the pain and devastation that so many gays and lesbians experience — for instance, the devastation of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, or the high level of drug and alcohol use which is statistically found in this community.”
Besides falsely stating that homosexuals live one lifestyle, Fryrear also chose not to cite any real data on STDs or drug or alcohol use.
As for “often never” seeing pain and devastation: Obviously, Fryrear has “never” watched Queer As Folk on Showtime.
I feel like I’m missing something here so somebody please take mercy on me and explain it.
“Fryrear also chose not to cite any real data on STDs or drug or alcohol use”
So this is up for debate?
Even from pro-gay groups and social science classes, I’ve always believed that any minority group with institutionalized discrimination will have statistically higher incidents of HIV and substance abuse.
Dan, that’s the debate that I was looking for. 😀
But Fryrear isn’t looking for any debate at all; she dismissively blames countless illnesses and addictions on attraction to the same gender, not discrimination. She offers no data to trace the source of the problems. And she neglects to mention (much less explain) the extent of addictions, compulsions and STDs reported by current and past ex-gays.
Let’s get real. Fryrear isn’t looking for a debate–or even a discussion–at all. She is looking for money for her employers at Focus on some peoples’ Families.
I’m sure she knows that Paulk was canned by them because he was no longer useful to them as a fund-raising tool. So she is doing her best to avoid the Paulk problem.
I must say – before you “assume” what Melissa Fryear means or doesn’t mean, you should really research what she has to say a bit more. I happen to know Melissa as a personal friend and I know she simply doesn’t just come up with statistics out of thin air – neither is she interested in “money for her employers”. Quite the contrary – she understands the dead end road of “most” homosexual couples – as is also the dead end road for any other sexually active couple (hetero included) that does not have Christ in the center of their marriage and live out the Biblical model of marriage.
Don’t assume you know everything about Melissa based on very few comments she has made – research the whole story before you post a one-sided opinion.
Thank you for writing, gh.
Trust me, I have not passed final judgment on Melissa Fryrear, nor numerous other exgay activists. If she has facts to support her arguments then I encourage her to bring them forward.
I also encourage her (and all other religious-right activists) to refrain from insulting — and relentlessly negative — generalizations about people who do not fit her particular cookie-cutter portrayal of same-sex-attracted individuals and couples.
Gh, if you have links to other articles by Ms. Fryrear, and would like to defend her arguments on the basis of established and measurable facts, please feel free to do so.
Funny- my complaint about the way most gays are portrayed in hollywood, and even stereotyped in real life, is that I rarely see good role models, or hear about them from the stereotypes.
Growing up, I always thought being gay would have been how Melissa Fryear describes it. Now that I am grown and out, I realized that most of the gay people I know are just normal people, living happy lives without the devastation that I was led to believe would exist. Actually, most of my friends are out, but so rarely fit the stereotype, that people generally assume they are straight (me included).
To me, it sends a false message. If you tell people that gayness will lead to death, disease, and destruction, and it doesn’t in most cases (I actually havent seen this happen to anyone I know, your whole credibility is harmed.
Its like if she told me that if I drove to Canada, I would die. But if I drove there and didn’t die, I would start to question what she is saying. Likewise, I question what she and other right-wingers think and say on gays because I simply haven’t seen it to be true in most cases.
Melissa, Gwen led you into God’s heart before she broke yours by becoming a Nun. God’s love will never betray or abandon you. God’s greatest teaching is Love. Have you learned this Lesson? Love is the only gift that is worthless until it is given away. Melissa, LOVE!!!
Ummm… Hmmmm… those are interesting remarks, Jeff, and I think you’re right on target with your comments about gays/straights in general and of course Paul Cameron.
But about Melissa… while I voiced my opinions above about the emphasis on make-up, clothing, etc. in her testimony, I am uncomfortable with the statements made here by both you and ‘Pandora.’ If they are true, fine. But they – and yours in particular since you just posted and I’m addressing you here – do not fit with Melissa’s printed testimony on the Exodus site. She does not mention substance abuse there, only her successful effort to turn from lesbianism through the ex-gay ministry in Lexington.
Alcohol and drug abuse do figure prominently in many ex-gay testimonies, and it is sometimes suggested that the REAL problem these people were facing was one or more addictions – but homosexuality got wrongly lumped in and confused with the others. So Besen and others have wondered why ex-gay sites don’t feature persons who lived happy, well-adjusted lives before turning from their ‘sin’ and becoming straight. Melissa appears to have that kind of story. Happy, successful, and partnered before loving friends helped her to see her error. You are suggesting here that the testimony of her journey leaves out a critical piece that changes the story considerably. So I’m not sure whether I can believe your comment or not. Has Melissa ever stated publicly – verbally or in print – that she abused drugs and alcohol?
Oops… this is a different thread. Melissa was discussed – including her testimony’s focus on stereotypical outward ‘change’ – here.
I happen to know Melissa too, and just know that she is one of the most caring and loving people I have met. She has influenced many lives- and not just about coming out of the homosexual lifestyle. Disagreeing with her is fine, but don’t attack her character when you don’t know her. She is one of the more upstanding people I have met. She has a lot of integrity and a lot of love for everyone- even people who are in the homosexual lifestyle.
PS- The Bible wasn’t written by WHITE men…
cedge,
I agree that there were some unwarranted and unsubstantiated comments on this page. I have deleted them.
At the same time, I’d like to point out that it is in no way “kind” or “nice” for anyone — no matter how superficially friendly one may be — to promote prejudice and discrimination and to treat the families of suicide victims with the cold dismissal and deceit that Fryrear has regrettably practiced.
Actions speak louder than words. Fryrear’s actions are deficient in truth, charity and justice.
If Fryear is one of the better examples. And we can see how this paragon treats gays, which is dreadful. What does this say about conservative Christians in general. After all, if one of the best acts as Fryear does, and she is a role model, what can we expect of the rest?
Wayne Besen has a good column called :’Only 10 ‘Ex-Gays’ Exist – All Employees of James Dobson’ at:
https://www.waynebesen.com/
Really very on topic.
I’m not sure why my comments about Melissa were deleted. They were substantiated by first-hand knowledge of her (I worked with her as a college student), and I made my own inference/interpretation based on her own written testimony on the Exodus site. Inferences are not facts, only opinions I admit, but isn’t this the type of dialogue we’re supporting here–cognitive complexity (or perspective taking)? We certainly have to read about Melissa’s unsubstantiated claims, riddled with faulty logic and evidence. But this is her “truth.” Why would my claims be deleted when they are my “truth?” Does dialogue work best when one is silenced (or in this case, edited/entirely deleted)? Or, are you only looking for “light” amibiguous responses to support the arguments against Melissa’s rhetoric?
Hmb,
If you wish to make personal, first-hand allegations against someone, you will need to identify yourself by name, age and location; document that identity; and prove your connection to Melissa Fryrear.
Anonymous undocumented allegations will not be permitted.
I realize that people like Fryrear base their careers upon sweeping and unsubstantiated finger-pointing; at XGW we try to be more decent than that.
I see your point, Michael, and respect your desire to publish documented evidence. Unfortunately, my job (I work for the state) does not protect me from such a disclosure; in fact, I could be fired here in Texas for disclosing sexual orientation in the context for which i’m employed.
This does make me wonder how The Post was able to publish information coming from Deep Throat in an effort to uncover the truth about a president. We’re just talking about a “Gender Analyst” here.
What does a Gender Analyist do, anyway? It strikes me as ironic that a Gender Analyist working for Focus on Family is, for the most part, allowed to be out on the job, yet I must lie to keep my job–one that is paid for by tax money from people who support me (and of course, some who wouldn’t). Wow, maybe I should go work for Focus on Family; at least there I can be out. Or would that be out but back in? Now I’m confused.