Last week the Los Angeles Times presented an article that looked at conservative evangelical churches to see the result that the recent scandals in Colorado have had.
No one has proposed rethinking the theology that homosexuality is a sin. Instead, there’s a growing consensus that the church must do a better job of helping pastors resist all immoral desires, such as a lust for pornography, an addiction to drugs or a lifelong same-sex attraction.
Seminary professors, Christian counselors and veteran clergy say the best way to help pastors fight temptation is to get them talking — even about their most shameful secrets. They don’t want a sordid tell-all from the pulpit each Sunday. But they would like pastors to bare their weaknesses and admit their lapses before a small group of “accountability partners” — friends committed to listen with empathy, then rebuke or advise as needed.
I think it is wise for a pastor to have advisers. Too often the burden of having to be right and having to be strong all the time can become overwhelming and destructive.
But as a method for battling same-sex attraction, I think this plan is seriously flawed. In order for this to be effective, the pastors would have to believe that their confessions of temptations around same-sex attraction would be treated by their “accountability partners” the same as if they were discussing a temptation to exhibit anger or to have lustful thoughts about a young lady.
This seems to me to be highly unrealistic.
And it seems to me to highlight one of the problems that conservative evangelicals have when addressing issues of sexuality. Because these church leaders view themselves as fair and caring people, their anti-gay doctrinal positions require that they believe that homosexuality is not a separate sexual orientation – just a temptation that some heterosexuals have to face. And this fantasy is given cover by “former homosexuals” willing to state such a claim.
Their response to issues of orientation, is to deny that sexual orientation exists and treat same-sex attraction as though it were a temptation to steal or lie.
Conservative Christians respond that everyone has immoral desires of one sort or another. Straight Christians are called upon to resist the temptation to steal or cheat or look at porn, they say, and gay Christians are called upon to resist any longings for same-sex intimacy.
But same-sex attractions are not the same as a temptation to cheat. And surely this is one area in which ex-gays could provide useful guidance to the church. They could explain that issues of attraction run far deeper and are much more integral to a person than a porn habit or an inclination to gossip. Exodus could share that treating SSA as no different than any other “temptation” is a recipe for failure.
Yet when provided with this opportunity to offer realism, the President of Exodus chose instead to endorse the plan.
Alan Chambers, president of the “ex-gay” ministry Exodus International, holds himself up as an example. He says he confides any wayward thoughts to his wife and closest friends, so they can help him avoid situations that might tempt him to homosexual behavior. “Leaders don’t need to be ashamed of the fact that they’re human,” he said.
In the last few weeks, he has shared that advice with church leaders from across the country. Chambers says he hears a common desperation in their voices. They haven’t yet fallen, they tell him. But they need help.
Sadly, it seems to me that though they need a constructive and realistic approach, instead these “strugglers” are receiving a message of more of the same.
Yup, Timothy. As long as these accountability folks – and those held accountable – view homosexuality in terms of struggle/temptation/sin instead of sexual orientation, they will largely fail in their efforts. This is the new face of compassion, though, offered by the evangelical community. Too bad it misses the mark completely.
Timothy, thank you for providing such a wonderful voice of reason and understanding to ex-gay watch. I hope that more ministers who happen to be gay (same sex attracted) will begin to look at their attraction, not as something to struggle with but that they will have the courage to really ask God (without any reservation) whether their attraction could be a God given gift and how they might treat that orientation as such. They might even seek to go directly to God to find out what the Spirit has to say about the matter and not necessarily what their Church’s traditional interpretation of scripture has to say.
The founding prophet of Mormonism (Joseph Smith) said somethign that was quite revelutionary in his time and still is today. He said “the creeds of the fathers are strongly riveted upon the hearts of the children.” He said it was extremely difficult to undo and uproot those creeds (i.e. parts of belief systems) and traditions that tend to be unhealthy and even destructive to society.
I believe our generation and the next are going to be the generations that create the tipping point that will bring an avalanche of change not only within American society but especially within the conservative Christian circles. There is bound to be change. Hopefully more religious leaders will be a major part of that change.
In this article, Alan Chambers says that his wife and some close friends keep him accountable and help him avoid situations where he might be tempted by homosexuality.
Isn’t this the same person proclaiming his “complete hetersexuality” to Terry Gross on NPR’s “Fresh Air” program?
People I know that are completely heterosexual don’t need anyone to keep them from being tempted into homosexuality.
I guess the simple question in my mind for Alan Chambers is: Are you still feeling attractions for men or aren’t you?
And if you are still feeling attractions toward men, don’t you think it is really a lie to paint yourself as someone who has “completely overcome” homosexuality?
Chambers obviously still has homosexual feelings. However, in his mind the fact that he does not act on them makes him 100% heterosexual.
In convincing those less inclined to investigate, saying that homosexuality is a sin, is supposed to suffice.
End of discussion, no further examination necessary.
They might sound as if they’ve made up their minds, but they haven’t.
Their diagnosis and response, is all over the map.
Indeed, they DON’T respond to people with mental illness, acute emotional problems, gay folks or addicts in the same way.
They respond to homosexuality in a MUCH harsher and unrealistic way, than all the others.
Which can be measured by results, where sexual orientation cannot.
Getting married to the opposite sex, bearing children…or being celibate or asexual doesn’t measure or indicate sexual orientation.
So why do ex gay ministries behave at if it does?
And…mores the point, how does behaving in that way, indicate a MORE satisfying or exemplary life?
There is no proof here, that being straight is BETTER than being gay.
There is no necessity for being straight, is there?
Where IS the necessity for EVERYONE to be straight?
And those of us who are, with a brain can think…okay, so now you’re straight too….AND?
This is why I’m not with this mess at all.
There are no accolades, flourishes or medals that should be handed out for being straight.
And ex gays seem to me, to be looking for validation that they have ARRIVED.
That an important journey has been taken.
And us ever straight on that journey are trying to figure out why, to these people is that such a BFD?
Are you with me people?
Now, doing something about the gang problem, drug addiction and it’s attendant health and crime issues.
Violence in the home and on the streets. Elevating women to equal respect and social equity.
The cure for AIDS.
Now THAT is something that concerns us all.
And curing homosexuality, in a world overcrowded with the poverty and disease stricken…most of whom are women and children, is about the EMPTIEST, most self aggrandizing pursuit of all.
It seems to feed the insatiable beast of waste and ignorance.
I won’t discuss sin, and what it is or isn’t according to Scripture.
But framing one’s WHOLE existence around being straight and convincing others how wonderful it is, frankly strikes me as too weird.
If it were so freely and without pressure, so chosen, then why the hard sell?
“People I know that are completely heterosexual don’t need anyone to keep them from being tempted into homosexuality.”
No, and I’ve never needed anyone to stop me from being tempted into heterosexuality.
Let us look at this business of sexual orientation change from the opposite angle.
Imagine that I tell you that I was once a male heterosexual but that I have “overcome” my heterosexuality; that my sexual orientation has completely changed; and that I am now a male homosexual, living in a totally fulfilling gay relationship.
Suppose that I then admit, or that you otherwise discover, any one or more of the following things about me (the list of possibilities is not, of course, exhaustive):
• I have to force myself to leave the room when certain adverts for women’s underwear appear on television, to avoid getting turned on by them
• When out in town shopping, or in the pub, I still find myself eying up women
• I am secretly still buying “girlie mags” and viewing porno images of women on the Internet
• I still occasionally masturbate to the accompaniment of heterosexual fantasies
• Any sexual dreams that I have are still invariably about women
• I occasionally cheat on my boyfriend by having sex with women “on the quiet”
• On business trips away I occasionally visit singles bars and chat up women
• On my recent holiday in Italy, I was nervous of stepping out of my hotel at night because I knew that I was in danger of falling for the temptations offered by the female prostitutes working the street
• I have started a counselling service to help heterosexual people to “come out of heterosexuality”, and I have been having sex with some of the women who have come for counselling
What would you conclude about my claim to a changed sexual orientation?