“It Gets Better” is a realistic message for gay and lesbian people living in the western world, where society is increasingly accepting of sexual diversity. But in some non-western parts of the globe, survival as an LGBT person is all but impossible.
Wendy Gritter of New Direction, Canada, has filmed a message for those gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people for whom the message of the It Gets Better campaign isn’t realistic or helpful. That’s not to denigrate the campaign, which Wendy has supported. It is to say this:
We want to say to those who are coming to [freetobeme.com] from areas which are not gay-positive — in fact, that are in very anti-gay contexts, where this is not a conversation, where there is much discrimination and prejudice, and perhaps violence, and perhaps danger — what we want to say to you is: Be wise, be careful, but know inside your own self who you really are, and that you are cherished, you are valuable and you are loved. And know that your voice matters. There are LGBT advocates all through the world, who are working very hard for the human rights of all people, including those who are sexual minorities. Maybe someday you can add your voice to that community saying, “If we diminish anyone’s rights, we are all diminished.”
Watch the video below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWb3I7pkBGE
The message comes via New Direction’s Free to Be Me website, which Wendy says has experienced increased traffic from non-western countries.
“This site is produced by New Direction for Life Ministries, Inc., as a resource for young people of any or no faith. New Direction is a Canadian organization which works specifically with men and women who experience unwanted same gender attractions while respecting those who make other choices.”
from their web site they appear to be an ex-gay ministry, but heavily disguised (you need to dig deep to see what they’re really saying). I presume that’s why they’re featured here. Softly-spoken platitudes aside, the message is still one of hate, because to try to change someone’s sexual orientation is simply hateful. You wouldn’t catch me telling straight people they needed to try, somehow, to become gay!
@Jonathan Swift
Thanks for pointing that out. New Direction began as an ex-gay ministry, but it left Exodus a few years ago and has since undergone a big shift. I’m not sure why the site says new Direction “works specifically with men and women who experience unwanted same gender attractions,” as I know for a fact its ministry is to all gay men and women, regardless how they respond to their sexual orientation. In November, for example, I went to the ministry’s annual fundraiser, which had a mostly Christian attendance, and there were three live testimonies/interviews: One was a mother who had come to accept (and rejoice in) her openly gay son, the second was a transgender woman whom New Direction had helped through the transition process (male-female), and the third was a staff member who had come to accept her sexuality after years of denial and was now open to pursuing a same-sex relationship. I wrote about it here.
I do find that bit you highlighted confusing and potentially disturbing, though, so I’m going to ask Wendy about that.
@Dave
Thanks. I watched the whole of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n29VUnMPhwE&feature=player_embedded#! “Wendy Gritter Keynote and Q&A” and I could not detect her implying they dealt with “unwanted” same-sex attractions, but rather affirming and building bridges. It’s a mammoth 1+ hour video, but her point does appear to be to create understanding and acceptance, or at least tolerance for those who cannot do the whole acceptance bit.
@Jonathan Swift
I asked Wendy about this, and she confirmed the “About” section on the website was last updated about 12 years ago. They’re revamping the site to include more videos, as well as sections on coming out and bullying.
Revamping or no, I would think that bit should come down yesterday. As demonstrated here, it is bound to cause misunderstanding.
VERY deceptive and hypocritical considering it is these types of groups promoting hate and discrimination throughout the world, especially in the Southern Hemisphere and the African Continent specifically.
hi folks …. thanks for your interest in the new videos we’re editing for our work on the freetobeme website. You’ve found us mid-stream in the work on the new site – and there is still a lot to be done. Some of the content has been transferred and needs to be re-worked yet. A tech/designer person is doing a lot of the work and our program people haven’t quite caught up with all the editing that needs to be done.
We’ll let the XGW folks know when we’re happy with the project – and would more than welcome your reviews / feedback and help to continue to improve this site for questioning youth.
@Wendy
Most ministries have a basic belief system they work with.
So I have three questions:
1) Does your ministry believe the fundamentalist approach that homosexual sexual acts are an “abomination” to God and those that partake are therefore “sexually broken” needing repentance or “repair”, or any part thereof?
2) If a sexually “practicing” Christian gay couple or single gay person does not believe they are “sexually broken” and want to council away from pop- “scripture” to accept themselves more and be accepted more by God, do you counsel that their sexual acts are ok and need not be “changed” or modified to celibacy etc?
I think it boils down to this basic message that a ministry is or isn’t sending. I suppose you could support both fundamentalist and moderate approaches but that might seem confusing to someone looking for guidance directly from your ministry.
3) Which way do you and/or your ministry side?
@iDavid, do check out our archive of articles relating to New Direction and Wendy Gritter, as you’ll probably get some answers, or at least a general idea, from our previous coverage.
@iDavid
Since we moved away from Exodus, New Direction has chosen to adopt the challenging posture of generous spaciousness. What this entails is our acknowledgement that people of faith disagree on beliefs and convictions regarding the appropriateness of committed same-sex relationships. In acknowledging this diversity, we seek to create space for individuals to explore their options, clarify their beliefs and values, and then build networks of support to encourage them to live in alignment with those values.
In our personal ministry with people, we take a spiritual direction approach which is, ironically, non-directive. We honour each individual’s personal autonomy while also encouraging them (if they are a person of faith) to be connected to a community of faith for mutual discernment, support and accountability. Different faith communities have different belief systems regarding an appropriate journey of discipleship for a gay person.
In response to your first question, generally speaking we would view all sexuality as a paradoxical combination of glory and fallenness. This applies across the board. We recognize that there is a spectrum of views within the faith community as to how same-sex attraction is viewed – and so we try to work with an individual to consider and land on their own particular view. Our bias would be towards self-acceptance.
In response to your second question, we are not that directive in people’s lives. If a person or couple have come to a place of peace with their same-sex relationship or desire to be in a same-sex relationship, they probably aren’t coming to us for input in that area of their life. They may be looking for ways to relate to their conservative family or church – and that is what we would focus on. They may be coming because they want to grow in their faith – and then that is what we would focus on. Our core priority when working with people of faith is to always encourage them to deepen and mature in their faith. On our part, that means that we entrust people to the working of the Holy Spirit and we don’t try to do his job for him. That means if there is any correction or conviction that needs to happen, for what ever reason, we trust the Holy Spirit will bring that in his time.
Responding to question three is really the heart of the matter. We are trying to deconstruct and reimagine a conversation that is not about sides, about us/them, about win/lose. Rather, we want to create environments where people can explore without judgment or coercion, where people can accept their reality as it is and then decide how they want to navigate the rest of their journey, and where people of faith can deepen their faith in a manner that is authentic and life-giving.
While some might view this as fence-sitting, it is actually much harder than that. We aren’t just in no-man’s land …. we meet each person where they are at, and humbly try to be present in their lives in a supportive and encouraging posture that allows them to own their beliefs and values and live a life that is congruent with such beliefs and values. And the reality is, this looks different in different people’s lives.
What I can say, is that we do not promote or encourage attempts at orientation change. We promote self-acceptance, exploration of views, positions, beliefs, values, and living in alignment in authentic and life-giving ways.
Hope that is helpful to clarify what New Direction is about.
@Dave
Thanks Dave that is helpful.
@Wendy
Thank you for your quick and open response. From what you’re saying it sounds like, regarding sexual expression, you support a live-and-let-live approach while supporting people of differing sexual orientations to get along I.e. reduce judgement and promote love and acceptance. Would that be an accurate assessment?
@iDavid
That’s a pretty good summary. To many Christians a description like “live and let live” quickly garners an accusation of moral relativism (which for some folks is akin to high heresy). We hope that people will understand that our efforts to honour individual autonomy is modelled after the autonomy that God himself gives human beings. And yes, we are certainly committed to reducing judgment and promoting love and acceptance and mutual respect.
@Wendy
Re: “live and let live” / heresy
No doubt some that think through the dualistic lens of “that’s good and that’s evil”, will jump on the heretical judgmental bandwagon to the extreme on this issue, exiting rational deduction. It would seem your God given “autonomy” of free will to discern rather than judge is now your motivating feature.
Through your ongoing research it seems you have taken the middle road, that someone being their “true nature” i.e. skin color, should not be subject to a model of such extremes, inciting conflict. Your stance seems to be homosexuality/bisexuality is neither good nor evil, but a static aspect of the human sexual matrix in great need of clear understanding. Correct me if I am wrong though if not, I find your new found stance accurately interpreted, admirable and uniquely helpful to all involved. Exodus’s extremist polarizing tactics could learn much from such God given Canadian rationale.
Thank you for your ongoing informative updates. It seems you may truly be a feather, a rainbow one at that, in the ever evolving hat of humanity.