Since its inception, Exodus International has been an umbrella organization for a coalition of local ministries focused on the issue of homosexuality. In most cases these organizations are founded by churches or individuals acting independently of Exodus, with varying degrees of input from existing ministries.
As a result of this, Exodus’ coalition is a diverse collection of organizations representing a large number of Christian denominations, each one having their own approach to ex-gay ministry. While this diversity of backgrounds and methodologies means that those seeking help from Exodus have a variety of options to choose from, it also means that Exodus itself is vulnerable to guilt by association when one of its members becomes embroiled in controversy, as happened when Love in Action came under fire for accepting teenagers who were coerced into the program against their will.
In response to that incident, Exodus created a set of guidelines for its member ministries to follow when working with youth. Since then, Exodus has been working on a more comprehensive series of guidelines spelling out requirements for leadership positions and counseling techniques.
XGW is currently working on obtaining a copy of these latest guidelines; their existence came to light this week when Where Grace Abounds, one of the oldest and largest Exodus-affiliated ministries, formally decided to withdraw from Exodus’ referral network. Although this split appears to have been reached amicably (WGA’s leaders plan to continue attending Exodus’ summer conferences), it does not appear to have been sudden decision.
“WGA’s model of ‘healing through community’ seems to bring confusion to some and contempt from others within the Exodus network,” executive director Roger Jones explained. Where Exodus and many of its affiliates prefer a more clinical approach that limits interaction between group members, “WGA encourages its participants to develop relationships with one another and provides activities for this to happen within a safe environment. While there is some risk involved with this approach, providing a place for participants to practice new relational skills is essential to WGA’s ministry model. When a person has this experience, they are more likely to be able to function within their own Church communities more effectively.”
Although WGA’s approach may seem counterintuitive at first, it does seem like it would mitigate the loneliness inherent in many ex-gay programs. Last summer at the Beyond Ex-Gay conference I spoke with an individual who had attended Where Grace Abounds, and though he largely reminisced about his ex-gay years in negative terms, he spoke positively of his time at WGA.
Even beyond its differences in methodology, Where Grace Abounds does not fit the profile of your typical ex-gay ministry. Since 1997 WGA has offered services for individuals (heterosexual or homosexual) dealing with sexual addiction, abuse (physical or otherwise) and other relational issues. “Some of the time and energy focused on maintaining our status as a Referral Ministry needs to be spent furthering our broader mission,” Jones explained.
Exodus’ political activism was also a factor in Where Grace Abounds’ decision to cut ties. Like Wendy Gritter’s New Direction For Life Ministries, “WGA has chosen to remain silent on issues of public policy, as we see this as a distraction from the ministry to which God has called us,” according to Jones.
Exodus’ desire to hold its member ministries to stricter standards is understandable, given the public relations problems that can arise. Whether they needed to draw lines where they did remains to be seen; between this and Exodus’ longstanding political focus (which does not appear to have abated to the degree promised earlier this year), they may have succeeded only in driving away one of their oldest and most reputable members.
As a former Where Grace Abounds attendee, I am happy to see them sever their formal ties with Exodus. I think it’s been a long time coming. I’ve always gotten the sense that (at least in the last few years) the connection has been particularly tenuous given Exodus’ increased and disturbing political activity.
As one WGA member told me, “Hey, at the end of the day, if I’m gay bashed, they don’t stop to inquire whether I’m gay or ex-gay. I still ‘read’ as gay.” That’s the kind of refreshing honestly I’ve found at WGA.
One of the things I’ve always liked about WGA is that I actually felt there a real sense of love for glbt folks. And it’s genuine. I don’t agree with many of their teachings, but I feel like their love for people is part of why they are honest about the issue around politics (for instance, the question they ask themselves: “is being political and fighting against equal rights for gays really the best way to communicate love to the community we are trying to help?”). They have come to the decision (it seems to me) that the answer is no. I respect that.
Many of the teachings that I learned at WGA caused me much more harm than good and set me on a very dangerous ex-gay path. I was introduced to theories by Leanne Payne, Moberly, etc., and through these teachings and books I internalized a great deal of self-destroying beliefs.
However, it was a relief to be somewhere where I could at least have more than just a clinical level of contact with other people. When I did the Living Waters program elsewhere, there was a terrible sense of isolation. Being in a small group with other people that I couldn’t contact outside of the group, couldn’t be friends with, couldn’t talk to was isolating and reinforced feelings of shame. There wasn’t that at WGA. (Although what I learned there about the so-called dangers of “emotionally dependency” and “enmeshment” did cause me significant harm in relating to others once I left all the different ex-gay programs and therapies).
While I would never recommend someone to go to an ex-gay ministry because they were gay, if I knew someone who could not be dissuaded from attending an ex-gay program, or if they had mostly issues of sexual addiction or other problems and could not find free help in the community (it sadly especially seems sparse within the gay community), I might possibly recommend to them that they go to WGA. In fact, I did once recommend that someone who was already attending continue to attend there. I warned them of some of the teachings, and tried to tell them not to internalize some of the specific ideas that I found particularly harmful, but for this person and with their story in mind, I felt that it could be helpful, given that there was no other place for them to obtain the specific help they needed. I wouldn’t do that with any other ex-gay ministry I could think of (except maybe Wendy Gritter’s).
I think what this all shows is not all ministries are alike, there is not a one-size-fits-all answer, and that WGA cares about people and issues that negatively impact peoples’ lives (beyond the gay issue, which of course I disagree with them on), including sexual addiction and sexual abuse recovery issues. I am not sure how much they realize that those issues are separate from being gay, but they are, and sometimes there are not resources (especially free) for folks who struggle with these issues. WGA fills those gaps and needs.
I (obviously) have mixed feelings about WGA, and I feel like the Moberly and Payne models they adhere to, as well as their teachings on brokenness and emotional dependency are harmful, but they are doing good things with their “relational” style and model of working. Without it, I wouldn’t still think of the staff with fondness or consider one of the members on staff a friend. I’m not sure how many other former ex-gays could say that about the ex-gay ministry they attended.
So while others cloak their hate in the language of love, WGA tries to model love and show love to all, even to those who don’t attend their ministry. However misguided and harmful I feel some of their teachings are, I respect them for their integrity, honesty, and willingness to love even if it’s unpopular among their peers.
I recall reading awhile ago Exodus was keen on expanding it’s ‘international’ influence.
Did I read intent wrongly?
I appreciated Wendy Gritter taking time to engage here, while I think New Directions has a place working with some of Canada’s more conservative evangelical communities, and while I applaud her desire to have a pastoral role within Exodus, the reality is Canada has different laws and different approaches.
(I believe Wendy was clear about that)
Federally and provincially Canada has settled it’s legislation and I question the wisdom of groups such as New Directions placing themselves under the Exodus International banner.
I don’t see an up side to that decision.
I cannot understand what New Direction gains affiliating with Exodus International.
As groups such as Where Grace Abounds in the US continue to disaffiliate, can anyone tell me what Australia, the UK, NZ, Canada groups gain by joining or remaining an Exodus International affiliate?
New Directions has to place itself under Canadian standards. Ms. Gritter also has the advantage of being able to refer people with medical and psychiatric needs because of our health care system.
New Direction has a freedom that many Exodus groups in the US would not have. Exodus as a US entity has chosen to be political and remain political and I’m left wondering if guilt by association in Exodus International swings both ways.
This is very interesting news about WGA.
Bene – you raise some of the very same points that I continue to wrestle with on an ongoing basis.
At the risk of sounding arrogant in a manner I do not intend, my wrestling has less to do with what ND gains from ongoing connection with Exodus – and more to do with what contribution God may have our team offer to Exodus.
I continue to see the influence that Exodus has on the Christian community (even here in Canada through their published resources), and am concerned to see that influence, in today’s context, reflect some of the core values in ministry that I believe are central to the ministry of Jesus Christ:
1. Respectful – honouring and valuing all people as children of God created in His image
2. Relevant – contextualizing the gospel in a manner the people of our culture can hear (I would suggest that part of that contextualization is to keep politics and pastoral ministry distinct on this issue)
3. Redemptive – ministry that points people to relationship with Jesus Christ as the source of wholeness
4. Relational – ministry that reflects the relational essence of Father, Son and Holy Spirit – that honours God’s intention that we grow and become more fully human in the community of God
Through these core values it is my fervent hope that the love of Christ will be demonstrated and experienced by glbt persons.
Hi Wendy:
Good to hear from you again!
I follow the influences of religious right activity on my blog from time to time and how it impacts our fellow Canadians; believers and none-believers. I hope I can appreciate on some levels how we are being affected.
I don’t have to wrestle as you do with a specific community who have been hurt, I look at a larger picture where the overt influence is not only taking hold but doing the kind of damage you strive so faithfully to avoid in your community.
I respect this is causing you to wrestle and I don’t think you are being arrogant.
You know how toxic things are and as much as you can ignore politics as a pastor, can Fotf/Exodus politics ignore you?
I admire your pastor’s heart, I think I understand what you believe you can provide Exodus International – but you don’t operate in a vacuum.
Your clients don’t come to you in a vacuum.
Whatever Fotf was, it no longer is.
Is is reasonable to ponder that US ministries such as Where Grace Abounds are in a much better position at this time to minister what is so heavy on your heart for your umbrella organization, than you or other international affiliates are?
As you are in touch with your counter-parts in the UK, Australia, NZ etc. this must be a group wrestling match.:^)
I hope it is. If Canadians can’t loose their bonds for now, I pray other internationals will.
I think I hear you continuing to ask at what stage do you become part of the problem?
If other groups wanting what you want (particularly US groups) leave the umbrella organization perhaps Exodus International will begin hear what you are saying.
You gave to Exodus International, clearly, thoughtfully, lovingly and freely. You gave, and give everything you list in your comment.
They have chosen to distance themselves.
Who does (New Directions) really serve? Really?
We know who Fotf and Exodus International has sold out to.
I’m glad you spoke up, thanks. Salu!
I personally will miss WGA, as they (like Wendy at ND) have been and will continue to be a great inspiration and support to me in my capacity with Safe Passage, one of the “least” (smallest, etc.) of the ministry groups in Exodus.
Wendy: I echo these sentiments: “If other groups wanting what you want (particularly US groups) leave the umbrella organization perhaps Exodus International will begin hear what you are saying.”
I also think it is time for you to leave. It cannot help you to remain affiliated with an organization that remains clerly poltical and openly praises Sally Kern. EXODUS is clearly not interested in adopting the changes you have wisely suggested. Time to bail out.
I have to agree with Wendy on this. I am not sure there are enough Exodus groups at this point that would leave affiliation to have enough impact to bring desired reform.
At least for awhile longer, I’d like to see what the more moderate folks among us can do to influence ex-gay ministry and Exodus at large. I cannot say how glad I am that Wendy has a voice and is using it within Exodus circles. I want to echo that voice. I believe reform is possible and that good things can still come.
While I understand the impatience (really, really I do) and the desire to “send a message” by leaving…. I hope that if I exercise more patience that will not be read as passively being “part of the problem”. As long as that connection remains, I intend to be wisely vocal and engaged in working towards a more generous, humble, focused Exodus. And I intend to continue to work for justice in the role of advocacy to which I believe God has called me. At the end of the day, the vast majority of my time and energy is spent giving leadership in the Canadian context in the distinct manner in which we believe God has led us to engage …..and to steal a respected colleague’s phrase, with a ‘generous orthodoxy’.
Wendy, I really do appreciate your patience and your desire to try to have an impact on EXODUS from within. I am very pessimistic. Many of us have been urging EXODUS to make these reforms and have failed miserably. EXODUS still routinely makes and breaks promises, still has not openly condemned the views of Paul Cameron, still is highly political, still praises Sally Kern, still is affiliated with NARTH, still uses confusing language to cloud the truth. I could go on. After awhile, your participations with EXODUS will be read as agreement. For the sake of your ministry, I really think it’s past time to GO.
Also don’t you find it disheatening that a few weeks ago, EXODUS seemed to promoting you as the best thing since sliced bread — with Alan Chambers saying his was “thrilled” and was “already putting some of your suggestions into action with plans to do more” — and now EXODUS is turning a deaf ear to you and saying that can’t/won’t make the changes you suggest due to “cultural differences”?
Michael,
I seek to be careful to not overestimate the potential influence I might have…. however I would suggest that the influence of those outside of Exodus (who hold very different beliefs and values) is not synonomous to the influence sought by those within – who though at times challenging the manner in which beliefs and values are expressed – do not hold such divergent views. What is apparent publicly is not a mirror reflection of the conversations and wrestling that continues internally. So while I understand and even empathize with your pessimism, I perhaps have reason for hope and engagement that is not readily apparent to you. I continue to be in meaningful conversation – such that I am not ready to ‘jump ship’. What I would ask from you, rather than pressure :), please do hold me accountable…. please do critique me and my leadership in New Direction if you sense I am “contributing to the problem” by veering away from the clear directions I have laid out as critical for effective, respectful ministry. In the meantime, though I perhaps don’t have sufficient credibility to yet ask for this, please do trust that as I continue to engage it is because I have not felt the Lord release me and New Direction from offering our contribution to the wider network of ministries – and because I still have opportunity to speak and engage.
Perhaps you will recall our conversations about winsomeness …. while tenacity can be an admirable trait… sometimes it can impede the potential for winsomeness. And as for me, I do think winsomeness may be more effective than a more aggressive tenacity…. at least at this stage.
In the end, the stakes are high. The influence that impacts the evangelical community and the men and women questioning, struggling or embracing alternative sexual identities therein, carries such weight. The sense of stewardship that I experience is significant as I deeply wrestle with desiring the Christian community to be a much safer place for my gay brothers and sisters. In addition, the influence of conservative ministries like Exodus on the treatment of gay and lesbian people in society at large is hugely significant – and if I have the opportunity to humbly and prayerfully speak into that in a manner that is gospel-centered, winsome, authentically kind and respectful – then I will continue to do so – even at the risk of being misunderstood by some (or many for that matter).
In light of all that, and in spite of your pessimism, I humbly challenge you to a deeper, Christ-centered patience.
Wendy: I admit, patience is not one of my better virtues. Aggressive tenacity doesn’t seem to work very well either. Nothing does. You keep on trying, though. Perhaps they will eventually listen.
Though patience is also not one of my virtues (just ask my husband and children – those closest to us tend to be the best judges of our virtues and vices)…. I seek to submit to the discipline of Christ that compels me to walk in step with the Spirit and with discernment and wisdom.
For my failings in doing so – I depend fully on His mercy.
Bless you Michael.