Exodus and other ex-gay groups tell parents that they should love their gay children. And their resources are abundant with advice that if you reject your child, you’ll lose your child. And if you never have your children around, you can’t witness to them that “change is possible”.

Much of the advice is useful and caring – provided that you come from the position that sexual orientation is fluid and homosexuality is inherently sinful in all circumstances.

But with the discussions about love there are also discussions about boundaries and discipline. Minors are to be what their parents desire, even if that includes a stay at an ex-gay camp. And acceptance of a gay child is never to include acceptance of their orientation.

But what should a parent do if their child is an adult but still living under their roof? Though I saw much advice for parents of adult children living apart and of minor children at home, I didn’t see a solution for a parent that finds out that their college age child is gay.

Do you kick them out? Do you cut off their finances?

That is the response of many parents, as I’m sure readers here could testify. But that can have tragic consequences.

One mother wrote this week to Between the Lines, a gay weekly newspaper in Michigan to tell the story about her son whom she kicked out of her home a year ago.

I told my son that he had to leave my house, that I could not approve of his behavior. I told him that he could come home when he decided to act like the son that his father and I had given birth to.

In this upcoming year I would encourage any of our readers who participate in ex-gay ministries or have other access to parents of gay children to requestion their priorities.

Do you spend as much time, effort, and money on telling parents to love as you do on fighting “the homosexual agenda”? Do your billboards, advertisements, and quotes in the newspaper tell others to care for gay people or are they solely for a culture war agenda?

Perhaps this new year would be a good time for all of us to resolve to heal as much as we attack and to love as much as we condemn.

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