“God’s Grace and the Homosexual Next Door” is a new book written by several senior leaders at Exodus International. On page 69:
“Some Christians believe that change is always evidenced by full deliverance from homosexuality, resulting in complete and immediate eradication of strong homosexual desires and the establishing of heterosexual desires and feelings.”
Oh gee I wonder why. I believe it’s “ex-gay” Stephen Bennett who says it best, “complete change is completely possible.” Or it could be the photos of “happy families” that grace Exodus ads and brochures? Here’s Mike Haley playing with his kids on the June 2004 cover of Focus on the Family’s Citizen magazine.
Richard Cohen and his family in a 2006 report on the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
This image of Mike Goeke is from Exodus’ 2006 “Freedom” brochure.
And saving the best for last… I found this little jem in a PDF of Alan’s testimony.
Really, after looking at the media put out by exgay groups I’ve got no clue why people would go around expecting the appearance of full heterosexuality…
…nope, no clue where that crazy idea came from.
So it really comes down to what the definition of change is. This truly is 1984.
Yeah. I agree with Alan. “Full deliverance from homosexuality” doesn’t have to mean “…the establishing of heterosexual desires and feelings.” What is heterosexuality anyway? EXODUS’s official 1991 definition of “heterosexuality” — is simply the “freedom to relate to the opposite sex as a needed counterpart, not with fear or distaste…”
Hmmm… It didn’t say anything about actually having to have “desires” or feelings” for women.
Hey, hold the phone… Come to think of it, I have always enjoyed “relating” to women. Some of my best friends are female! And, I’m not afraid of them or disgusted by them…
Oh my GAWD!!! Do you realize what this means??? I’m hetero!!! It’s a MIRACLE, I tell ya…
Randy Thomas has written on his blog about having a girlfriend. Will he be next in those lovely pictures?
My lover, Gary, had three kids. I have a daughter. We were both were married (to women) when we met. In fact, our wives were best friends and we all went to the same church. Can iI send in our piotures, too? (I mean the pictures of my wedding to Gary…)
Randy Thomas has written on his blog about having a girlfriend. Will he be next in those lovely pictures?
The tasteless way Randy Thomas is now referring to a girl he knows as “the girlfriend” with a frequency that must certainly be intended to impress all with his new found machismo is disgusting to me. What is the ex-gay fascination with that determiner, “the homosexual,” “the girlfriend,” I’ve always thought people who called their spouse “the wife” were being incredibly dismissive in saying that. It’s “the toaster” or “the car” not “the wife” or “the girlfriend.” For goodness sakes Randy, if you are going to play house, pattern your role after someone better than Al Bundy.
Mr. Thomas’ statements — his objectification and idolization of other people in particular — may not be representative of the views of all exgays.
Unfortunately, as spokesperson and lobbyist for Exodus, Thomas DOES act as a leading public representative of the exgay movement — or should we call it the Exgay Identity movement?
See what I mean gang? I wonder at the EXCRUCIATING way that ex gays work to convince people at large they are straight.
Not only by the heavy handed amount of advertising and props, but having to fill lecture halls about it.
It’s TOO WEIRD!!!
And after a fashion straight folks like me are like ‘SO WHAT, bid DEAL…you want a MEDAL or something?!’
Straight people NEVER chose being straight. We just don’t know what that means, really when it comes to US and how we deal with our attractions.
It just happens.
It takes no discipline, it takes no thought process or anxious and furtive tasks to please God.
We FORGET our orientation most often and mostly concern ourselves with getting the bills paid.
Dating can get expensive too, depending on what you like to do with paired up recreation.
I wish ex gays would give the whole damn business a friggin’ REST!
Come on….the only reason why it matters is because there is money to be made.
There isnt’ any money to be made as a STRAIGHT person. Straight people don’t profit from asserting their orientation.
What for?
It’s laughable really for people to expect praise from something that is a human condition that no one has control over.
It’s is something to ridicule.
High praise for ‘overcoming homosexuality’?
Particularly as an example to others?
Here’s a reality check.
There seem to be plenty of heterosexuals in the world. Why must there be so many more?
Competition is fierce enough as it is for a suitable person to marry.
Less straight folks to go around for the REAL straight folks out there.
Let the gay folks have who they want to be with, what’s so wrong with that?
Considering the violence out there against females…straight men aren’t handling their business very well about protecting the opposite sex.
Kinda takes the romance out of being straight, don’t it?
As I get more exposure to the ex-gays, I find their poster boys so interesting. Most gay men who are not fem have a very easy time blending in. In fact, the general presumption is that they are straight unless or until they correct that impression.
Let me be clear–I don’t think that there is anything wrong with being fem, but none of these ex-gay “spokesmen” that I have been exposed to(Alan Chambers, Randy Thomas,Richard Cohen, etc) could ever really blend in with a bunch of straight guys. They would be recognized as gay before they even open their mouths.
Then when they open their mouths, all they do is studiously try to convince their listener that they are straight. Yet it is like hearing someone who is wearing a bright pink hat trying to convince you that the hat is really blue.
Now, I realize that they prey on desperation, and there are many who are willing to suspend reality just because they so desperately want to fit into the heterosexual box that their family and church expect them to. What I am more curious about is how the ex-gays are generally viewed by rank and file Evangelicals. I can’t imagine that the average 65 year old grandfather in Arkansas doesn’t look up at these guys and think to himself, “Give me a break, they’re queer as pink ink.”
Given the general intolerance of the Religious Right toward gays, they must be viewed with at least as much contempt by Evangelicals as they are by gay folks. They are such obvious frauds.
I wonder if there are reliable polls among Evangelicals about how believable the whole ex-gay movement is.
“Exgay Identity Movement”. I think that’s PERFECT! “Ex-gay” is not what they are in FACT. It’s an “identity”. It’s what they WANT to be.
But as their own leaders admit, they are really still “Christians WITH homosexual tendencies who would rather not HAVE those tendencies”. It’s a WISH. It’s magical thinking.
“Ex-gay” should mean “formerly, but no longer homosexual in orientation” or simply, “heterosexual”. But it is painfully clear that it doesn’t mean that. It means, “I used to think of myself as gay, but now I think of myself as not gay — even though I am not heterosexual and still have only homosexual feelings. I am whatever I THINK or WISH I am”.
To respond to John:
Sadly, in my experience, there is a big disconnect between evangelical beliefs on ex-gays in practice and in theory. I am in college and I recently watched the movie “Saved” with a group of conservative and evangelical Christian friends. When the notion of “degayifying” a character is brought up, my friends all laughed–the character was blatantly gay, and they knew, on some level, how ridiculous the premise was. But when I come out to them, one by one, they have to be carefully talked through my ex-gay experience and how miserable it was–and some of them still think that is the way I should go, even if not on a formal basis with Exodus.
To put it simply: In my experience, many evangelical people recognize that gay is gay unconsciously, know that it isn’t changing–but when the reality of it hits them and they have to square what they know in their gut with a belief that has been hammered into them, the irrational belief will win out–at least until they are driven to think about the situation for a while. Of course, I went through the same process, and I am gay myself, so I can’t really blame my friends.
So close!
Pam Spaulding, over at The Blend discussed the ‘acting white’ myth.
Recently a Chicago native friend of mine had me talk in a conference call with her sister.
She and her sister are two black ladies, the one still living in Chicago has been pretty much marginalized by her environment. Stuck in a welfare cycle and minimally educated.
On the phone, my friend’s sister was convinced I was white.
Perhaps it’s my command of language. I don’t know. Perhaps her social circle of friends doesn’t use language the way I do.
We can very much be a product of our region, family culture, education and social environment.
But an educated person will always sound and comport themselves differently from someone less so. Regardless most often of their color or cultural background.
But it depends on what the perception of ‘white’ is.
Being gay is a whole other animal. It’s still in part a behavioral issue. Comportment, affectation.
But these are physical, not social.
It’s still something that transcends a person’s family culture and social and religious culture.
It’s a certain something, a specific ‘differentness’ that’s not a matter of morality or economic standard.
‘Straight acting’ or ‘white acting’.
The operative word is ‘acting’.
Acting different, or at least acting unexpectedly against type.
I personally love and trust people more who act like themselves.
It conveys trust in who you are communicating to as well.
That you want who you interact with to know you and understand you as you really are.
This, I would expect should be the ultimate encouragement.
Inducement to do and be otherwise, is unproductive for positive social chemistry.
Ex gays, in my view…are conveying another form of insecurity.
Going along to get along and affecting what’s expected.
It’s a veneer.
Perhaps without always realizing it, this is why I have a hard time trusting ex gay people.
The claims cannot be substantiated unless a person boldly questions a very intimate and private aspect of ex gay life.
The public and social veneer, is superficial after all. It doesn’t carry the same weight as does the whole point of ex gay interest.
The sex lives of gay people.
In the end…ex gay affectation, and the need to convince the public of actually being ex gay, is ultimately the LEAST important aspect.
But carries the greatest weight in the minds of the anti gay.
Acting straight means more to straight people.
And one might wonder at why there is any weight to ‘acting white’ and who acting that way would please the most.
I see that there are a lot of interesting points on both sides, and some right in the middle.
I don’t pretend to be a good debater, so I will just present my opinions, if you will. You are free to disagree with me.
I think this thing that you call inborn gayness is like anything else that has been instilled in you since childhood. It may be a very inborn sensitivity to outside stimulus, for lack of a better analysis.
This may explain why someone in a family can endure abuse in various forms and be the only one who complains about it or sees it for what it is.
Others may think that there is something wrong with them, and just internalize the lies being told whether directly or indirectly.
Someone can watch their father belittle women and internalize that women are weak and disgusting. Couple this sensitive personality with other traumatic issues such as being molested by a stranger or family member, and society’s confusion about gender, and you have the perfect recipe for gender-identity confusion.
As a child, you have no sense of being yet, so of course, it becomes emotional and part of your soul, so you accept it as a part of your being.
To me THIS is primarily what causes the feelings of homosexuality, which is not sin, but part of who you are at the time.
If someone wants to be truly healed of this malady, feelings and all, it takes time and much love from others.
Some have been saved by the love of others BEFORE acting out on these impulses, some have accepted it and gone on to act out. God forgives either way, but it is much harder once you have acted out on these internalized feelings, to begin and stick with the healing process.
I was one who was saved before I acted out. My brother was not so fortunate. He went to his grave believing that our home life was wonderful, my father and mother’s marriage was great and that he was truly born gay.
I saw a man who hated women and a woman who spoiled her son to get the love that her husband could not give her.
Some call that ’emotional incest’.
God blessed me with sight and the ability to analyze, to see the whole set up.
Having said this, I still believe that others can be healed by God if they want to.
And yes, I agree that there are Christians out there who are loving and don’t understand the malady, there are some who are unloving and do not want to, and thank God, there are some who are trying to understand and be loving. I would suggest seeking out those who love and care about you only who have the proper training to deal with complex issues such as these.
Resurrection Life Ministries, which does ‘Living Waters’ 7-month programs(there’s one in Atlanta–https://www.atlantanccc.org/livingwaters.htm) is an excellent place to start for a healing program.
Most of all, DO NOT give up!!! God loves you.