I have a confession, until Thursday I had failed to properly live out “the homosexual lifestyle.” My gay-card had only been provisional. You see, Thursday I went to The Hollywood Spa. Not that it’s the business of XGW readers but my mother reads this site so I’ll offer this information for that reason; No I didn’t go to “hook up” as the boys say, I went because I’ve never been before and it was something I wanted to see first hand. I once went to a pyramid-scheme meeting just for the life-experience. What does a bathhouse have to do with my own time done as an ex-gay? We’ll get to that.
Before I entered therapy with Joe Nicolosi I had the most painfully boring and predictable white-boy-A&F-XY taste in guys imaginable. I was tragic. Really, I think back and cringe.
A pretty standard part of many ex-gay and reparative therapies is identifying guys I was attracted to and obsessing “analyzing” what that guy represents. The thinking goes I was not really attracted to the guy himself, I was only attracted to specific qualities in a failing attempt to make up for my own deficiencies.
What ended up happening of course is I picked up all kinds of fun new quirks and fetishes. When you’re looking at guys and failing to figure out why you’re attracted to them your mind is left to explore and come up with some pretty zany things. As a child of the hot skater-boy filled late 90s I couldn’t help but come to terms with my own fondness of puffy white skater shoes. As a side note, I was at my hometown gay bar last night and was thrilled when an acquaintance and I realized we shared this same quirk, “marshmallow shoes” as he calls them. I’ve got plenty of other things guys can do that bring a smile to my face but I’ve made my point and revealed quite enough about myself for one post.
Let’s bring this full-circle back at the bathhouse. Going there reminded me how profoundly boring and ordinary everyone looks when all they’re wearing is a white towel. Fetishes add unexpected fun and variety to sexuality and thank God ex-gay therapy got me to recognize and later appreciate them. However at the Hollywood Spa I saw what it’s like to remove them from the equation. The sex that could be had at The Hollywood Spa was on display in all it’s rawness, unfortunately too often in more ways than one.
Hmmm…I wonder how many same sex attracted men actually ever go to a gay bar or bathouse. I never went to a bathouse when I had male testosterone levels and I can’t see it ever happenning now that I don’t and I’m 44. I’ve been briefly in gay bars about ten times at other people’s suggestion, and never gone home with anyone – watching TV at home just seems more exciting. The idea that the bathouse clients are typical of all gays is as valid as saying the Hell’s Angels are typical of all heterosexuals.
I kind of like the marshmallow shoes too, but for me its just fun, not sexually arousing. I’m curious Dan, what deficiencies do you think caused you to be attracted to the marshmallow quality of these shoes? Did you feel you weren’t short and round enough? Did you wish your body was soft and puffy? Were you upset that you couldn’t float in cocoa? Seriously, I want to know!
C’mon, Randi, you already know.
Dan is attracted to puffy shoes because:
1. He was recruited into the puffy shoe lifestyle by other practicing puffy shoe wearers (whether he recalls this or not)
2. He had a distant relationship with wingtips
3. He didn’t play enough football with cleats
But fortunately, through a personal relationship with Nike, he can come out of this puffy shoe lifestyle.
Timothy, your post made me laugh:-D
I sincerely believe that if Seinfeld was gay, he would have done a Puffy Shoes episode. 😉
Randi–same with you. Never been or cared about a bathhouse (I tend to think these came about largely on the ideas of the closeted gay male–a private place that the outside world doesn’t see). I have been only a few times to bars based on what friends wanted to do. I went to a wedding in Palm Springs once, and the straight guy wanted to go to a gay bar the night before (he ended up making out with a guy). Next to the bar was a bathhouse, and the people hanging out in front were very creepy and sleazy. I don’t know if that is representative, but it kind of freaked me out. I am sure Hollywood would probably have a different clientle.
Aaron I was thinking about this some more and your probably right, the bathouses came about because society forces gays to be closeted. Anytime society rejects people and makes them outcasts for an innocuous behavior (same sex romance) it forces that behavior underground and then its no holds barred, i.e. the sex that goes on underground is much more outrageous than it would be if society never rejected in the first place. Religious people that claim to hate putative gay promiscuity are no doubt to some extent shooting themselves in the foot by trying to prevent all same sex romance – their forcing an innocuous behavior into promiscuity with the unrealistic heavy handed approach. Same thing in my opinion is going on with the priests in the Catholic church. Lifetime celibacy is unrealistic for many people and asking an entire group to be celibate only forces the inevitable expression of sexual behavior underground where society can’t encourage any reasonable limits, such as staying away from children.
the people hanging out in front were very creepy and sleazy. I don’t know if that is representative, but it kind of freaked me out. I am sure Hollywood would probably have a different clientle.Who knows — but they’d probably have a (induced) tan amd (induced) big, shiny teeth. And be in “the movie business” but currently waiting on tables. (that was a joke Timothy!)(And before I continue: let me clarify… we went together to recover after all night dance parties, and we went to actually use their sauna and the pool because we were staying in a cheap hotel. Well, OK, we may have fooled around a little alone with each other; but we’re married and allowed to do that!)What I did notice, in the few times we’ve actually stepped foot in a “bathhouse”, is that none of the men lurking around were anyone we’d ever seen out in either gay bars or, for that matter, any other place gay men hang out. In talking to others that do go to both, this is not an inaccurate observation. Many of the men at bathhouses are deeply closeted, many heterosexually married etc.So, I think Aaron and Randi’s observations may be accurate (even if not applying to all and sundry). It all seemed sooo 1970’s.And to repeat something we told someone else… frankly, it appeared you’d have more opportunity to meet a nice guy if you went and pushed a shopping trolley for a few hours around a supermarket in your local gay ghetto and knew a decent cafe for coffee nearby.He did. We were right. 🙂
PS: what was even funnier, the supermarket story that is…Poor boy spent much of his time worrying about what was in the shopping trolley. Didn’t want to create a bad impression by filling it up with chips and beer, or tins. It had to be balanced, colourful and attractive — like he was making some massive ikebana arrangement on wheels!
grantdale,
“Who knows — but they’d probably have a (induced) tan amd (induced) big, shiny teeth. And be in “the movie business” but currently waiting on tables. (that was a joke Timothy!)”
Hey, it’s LA. Everyone is in “the industry”. The guy washing your car, the girl at the front desk of your dentist, the kid serving your food. It’s amazing how many people are in the industry that never make a buck from it.
Monday night I had cocktails with a friend who just shot a pilot (husband has a real job) and another friend met this week with the producers of a popular TV show (although she actually has a career in pics that seems to be almost visable she makes her living in real estate investments). Another twink friend just had a model shoot for a magazine you haven’t heard of (no real money there) – I don’t ask too carefully how he makes his living.
As for the pretty boys who all came to hollywood to be a star, we say they’re an “actor/model/dancer (waiter)”.
Well, there you go. Less than six degrees… again.We are obliquely connected to several “someones in production” in LA — although God only knows what these people actually do. She’s based there. He’s here (mostly for Fox, via another Co.). Please don’t ask me to ask our people to ask talk to your people…And do say a big hi and give a big hug to our Nicky if you ever happen to serve her coffee, or check her coat hahaha 🙂
LOL
I’m more likely to do the taxes for her bankruptcy estate or do a search for assets not disclosed on Schedule F of her petition (yeah, I have a very exciting job).
But then I’ve never been in “the industry”. In fact, for years I prided myself on avoiding the industry.
The closest I’ve gotton is to be an extra on a no-budget. And I’ve made out with a very minor celeb – does that count? Do the couple of dates with a studio deparment head get included? The tax return for a soap actress?
Oh, and I was on one TV special for a cable network.
And, oh never mind.
You can’t live in LA without eventually being drawn in.
/snortWell, OK. Just so long as you didn’t appear as “the poolboy” in something nasty filmed in a warehouse somewhere in Chatsworth I guess we’ll forgive you.Actually, we’ll do that even if you did.