Christmas greetings from Ventura, my hometown as well as home of the only gay bar between Santa Barbara and LA County. That bar, Paddy’s, serves an important role as a sort of community gathering center during holidays when boys return home [like myself] and others less fortunate can find “family” to spend the day with. Paddy’s has served free Thanksgiving dinner to the needy [and I don’t mean monetary wealth] for years. I went to Paddy’s Friday night and I’ll go again tonight, Christmas, because it will be packed with people I haven’t seen since highschool. I’ll just try and forget Friday’s drag show which was sort of like the SNL sketch of Will Ferrell as Janet Reno.

But on the Peterson, he was one of the few homos online Christmas morning [10am Pacific] so we got to chatting about his Christmas. It’s good to know someone is blogging over the holiday:

How Christmas Made Me “Ex-Gay”

I sat next to him at Christmas Eve dinner last night. Nice guy. German-born, travelled the world with his UN parents, lives in NY. Artist type. In a room of heterosexual family and friends I wondered if this man could be “the one”–the ultimate Christmas gift–a life partner.

We chatted, we joked, I let it slip out a dozen ways that I am gay. The white wine and his open friendly banter made me believe he was too. “I’m heading home tomorrow,” I placed on the table. He countered, “I wish you would stay.”

Next at the Brazilian Christmas Eve bash (replete with non-stop dancing, darts and enough food to save a medium-sized starving village), I chatted some more with the potential love of my life. Did he look extra deep into my eyes?

As my Brazilian friends, in precise heterosexual pairing, danced circles around the gringos, my love, my mate, my life partner to be, broke my heart with a casual aside about a recent girlfriend being Brazilian, then he twirled away in the arms of a blond woman leaving me standing by the basket of bread (the carbs of comfort).

Maybe it was the switch to red wine or the realization that I was probably the only gay man in a room of nearly 20 couples, but I suddenly felt alone, angry, deflated.

This is just the introduction, see the rest of Peterson’s post.

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