XGW reader Norm notes that John Paulk is no longer listed on the staff of Portland Fellowship. And the Fellowship’s founder, Phil Hobizal, remains on a leave of absence due to “an unhealthy emotionally entangled relationship” mentioned in the Fellowship’s April 2003 newsletter.
These issues are overlooked in a new feature article by the Portland, Ore., weekly Willamette Week Online.
Update: John Paulk notes below that he is attending graduate school full-time. Thanks for the update, John; good luck in your studies.
The article’s coverage of ministry assistant Drew Berryessa and executive director Jason Thompson is fair and insightful. But it only goes so far.
Berryessa states that he is free of “lust” for other men. Fair enough. But then Berryessa redefines the word “gay” in order to claim that “he was never really ‘gay.’ In fact, he explains, nobody is gay.”
“I don’t believe homosexuality is natural,” he says. “I believe that I had an unhealthy need for male intimacy that formed during my childhood, and that was how it was being met.”
Berryessa seems to overgeneralize somewhat, from his own experience to that of other same-sex-attracted men. And if ex-gay men don’t succeed at change, Berryessa is said to believe, then they just don’t want it badly enough. Berryessa’s demands upon ministry participants appear to be unrealistic.
The article oddly asserts (emphasis mine), “But the Fellowship’s view that gayness is a matter of choice undercuts the very argument in support of gay marriage: that gayness is immutable, like race, and homosexuals therefore deserve every right heterosexuals have.” But there are many arguments in favor of gay marriage, not just one. And the article offers no examples linking the immutability strawman to the arguments of gay-marriage proponents.
Fortunately, Portland Fellowship executive director is at least somewhat tolerant of gay people.
“I’d never argue with someone who believes they were born gay and is happy with it,” says Thompson, who has been with the ministry almost since its founding in 1988. “I say, ‘Great, have a nice gay life.'”
But the article does not ask Thompson whether he favors or opposes antigay discrimination in housing, employment, government services, or political or religious office.
Thompson and Berryessa confirm that the ex-gay movement tends to attract fatherless men and sexual-abuse victims, but they seem to assume the men in their care are representative of gays in general. Have they forgotten Fellowship founder Phil Hobizal’s statement to Baptist Press in 1997 that sexual orientation cannot be traced to just a couple of root factors such as an absent father or sexual abuse?
When asked about success rates, Thompson seems to temper Berryessa’s assertion that complete change is possible.
Thompson doesn’t like to talk about success rates, because he says making somebody completely un-gay isn’t the point of Portland Fellowship.
On page three of the article, a psychologist, a sex therapist, and a former ex-gay are finally given an opportunity to question some of the Fellowship’s claims.
Critics are not the only ones blunting Berryessa’s optimism. From a video of ex-gay Sy Rogers, in a video shown at a Portland Fellowship meeting:
“God’s goal is not to make you into a heterosexual,” he exhorts. “You will struggle until the grave.”
Berryessa and Thompson are honest up to a point: Both acknowledge they experience little sexual attraction toward women other than their wives.
Asexuality will be unappealing to some readers, but it sounds honest to me. That honesty, and an emphasis on ministry (not politics), set the Portland Fellowship apart from some of its more famous brother/sister ex-gay organizations.
Addendum: As Norm Birthmark notes below, the Fellowship owes its clients quality treatment. Quality of service cannot be ensured by an organization unless it tracks success and failure rates and changes ineffective or harmful approaches.
Nevertheless, I appreciate Berryessa and Thompson’s eventual honesty about the limited degree of change achieved. At some point, I would like to hear more from them about their views on sexual attraction as it relates to traditional marriage: How important is eroticism, in a marriage? Can marriages do well without significant sexual attraction? (After all, arranged marriages were not dependent on it.)
I also would enjoy any elaboration of their views on the origin(s) of sexual orientation in different people, the extent to which gay-affirming people should be included or excluded in the Church, the extent to which they work to stop bullying in public or private schools, and the extent to which they oppose support or oppose antigay discrimination.
Here’s a copy of my letter to editor:
Willamette Week’s cover story of the local “ex-gay” Christian ministry is disappointing. Taylor Clark’s article failed to specify The Portland Fellowship’s counseling credentials which is important since “reparative” therapy involves delving into sensitive topics such as childhood abuse. No mention was made of the infamous incident involving PF’s former staff member, John Paulk, being caught cruising a Washington, D.C., gay bar in 2000. Nor was PF’s founder mentioned who’s 2003 departure was cryptically attributed to “an unhealthy emotionally entangled relationship” in their newsletter.
As a former PF participant, my “ex-gay” experience was more harmful than helpful. The program seemed to build upon confirming my worst fears about my moral and psychological health. I learned that my same-sex feelings were “unhealthy”, my parenting was insufficient, and I was “sexually broken”. At the same time, PF offered the nearly irresistible hope of becoming “sexually whole” and even the possibility of straight marriage. After nearly two years however, I did not experience any promised change in my life. Like any faith-healing ministry, I was told that my lack of faith was to blame.
It is not surprising that Jason Thompson refused to discuss success rates since few participants experience real change. Taylor’s article failed to question why a group that claims to help suicidal/self-hating gays does not want to measure the effectiveness of its program. In light of the gay marriage debate, it is irresponsible for WW to publicize an anti-gay group’s claims without requiring proof.
Norman Birthmark
1996 Portland Fellowship Graduate
Paulk lost another gig? I’m sure it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.
/sarcasm
Portland Fellowship invited to Vancouver’s Gay Pride Event
According to Portland Fellowship’s August Newsletter they were “invited” and attended Vancouver, Washington’s pride event, “Saturday in the Park.” What?
Let me put that another way. An ex-gay ministry group, Portland Fellowship, was asked to come to a gay PRIDE event and “offer” as they put it on their website “an alternative.” Translated…they were invited to come and recruit!!!
Now maybe it’s just me, but when I read this I did a double-blink and felt white-hot rage. Is it even debatable that, that kind of invitation is remotely okay, when we know that ex-gays are invited to come and “testify” before Congress ultimately helping to make the Republican case for a Federal amendment banning gay marriage?People, we cannot allow this to happen in America!
The other question that went thru my head when I read about PF’s invitation, which may be going thru your heads, is “what bozo or group of bozos
thought to solicit the participation of an ex-gay ministry group?” As an ex-ex-gay evangelical Christian woman, I say the decision to invite the ex-gay group to PRIDE was one of the most ignorant, spiritually immature decisions I have witnessed in quite a while.
Why is a decision to have an ex-gay ministry group at a PRIDE event such a bad idea? Gays and ex-gays should all co-exist in peace, right? Absolutely. Yes, but we must not continue to permit the idea that GLBT’s SHOULD change. Sexually confused and abused people should be permitted heal, but we must come against the ex-gay ministry idea that ALL GLBT’s are confused, abused, people. Having an ex-gay ministry group at a PRIDE event validates that message because it is the backbone of that kind of “ministry”!
Finally, whoever invited Portland Fellowship to “Saturday in the Park” (a small group by the look of the website) slapped every ex-ex-gay in the country in the face and everyone in the gay community brave enough to try and come out. It systematically opened up potential new recruits for Portland Fellowship to confuse, & spiritually abuse creating a cycle of fear and self-hatred. And, it spit on the ordination of any GLBT Christian, especially the recently ordained Bishop all over the news (as I believe Jim & Jason Thompson of Portland Fellowship are both part of the movement within that denomination that opposes him.)
In conclusion, I would hope that what happened at Vancouver, Washington’s PRIDE event is an anomaly.
After all, Anne and John Paulk’s church home used to be in Vancouver and likely is again since they moved back here. So, it is a “ground zero” for ex-gay ministry activity. Still. GLBT Christian pastors and ministry leaders are not invited and given equal time and RESPECT at “Love Won Out” conferences. They are not equally published in Christian newspapers, and enjoy the kind of double-column press bordering on promotion, Dan Allender’s ex-gay conference was granted in Portland’s GLBT paper “Just Out” a couple years ago. Consequently, the GLBT community must hold its community and religious leaders accountable and see to it that this kind of “invitation” is never extended again. That people within the community are not set-up to be taken advantage of by ex-gay ministries. Strong and spiritually mature people must take care of the weak!
For your information Norm, I didn’t mysteriously disapear from the staff at Portland Fellowship. I have been in graduate school full-time for the last year. Many months ago we wrote a story about this in the Portland Fellowship newsletter. I didn’t “lose” another gig. FYI, Norman, I don’t know what other gigs you are referring to that I may have lost. BTW, I was contacted by the Willamette Week and pointed them to the Portland Fellowship. You sure are behind on your information. Leave your snarky comments to yourself.
John Paulk
Methinks thou dost protest too much.
Nice to see you again, John. Hope all is well.
Tell Michael Johnston hi for me. Missed you both in the last batch of election year ad campaigns.
Many thanks for the info, John. Next time, I’ll ask before posting.
Grace, I would appreciate any links that you might have, reporting or discussing PF’s participation in Vancouver Gay Pride.
Without knowing more, I’d say that the inclusion of ex-gays speaks highly of gay organizers (provided ex-ex-gays were included), and that the exclusion of gays by “Love Won Out” reflects poorly on Exodus and Focus on the Family.
John, Raj, and Scott: You’re all being just a bit snarky. I’m sorry, to the extent that I fueled your negative tone.
John Paulk:
I’m not sure whose comments you are referring to. The “lost another gig” comment was from raj and I’m not sure what exactly the comment refers to.
I noted that PF’s founder, Phil Hobizal, “mysteriously disappeared” from his position at PF, but I did not intend to imply anything unusual about your departure. I apologize if my comments were unclear.
My point was that Willamette Week’s article omitted your former ties to PF, even though it mentioned you and your wife. This seems especially odd if you actually referred WW to PF. Did WW just fail mention your ties or did you forget to tell them your connection?
Norm!
In response to Mike A.
I think that it is important to note that there were statments used in the WW article that were either taken out of context or completely misquoted. It is unfortunate that WW felt they had to do that, but it was not a suprise to either Jason or myself. I would be happy to respond personally to anyone who would like an accurate account of what was said during the interview.
Thanks for taking the time to read the article.
Moderator’s note: I’ve deleted raj’s note because it contained a personal attack. Raj — I don’t have your current e-mail address; contact me for any needed clarification. — Mike A.
I had an absolutely awful experience with the P.F about 15 years ago. I was judged to be a lesbian by a semi-cult like church I was attending back then, (trust me, I have sexual “issues” abounding, but my problems are with my relationships with men…usually ;^)
Anyway, I went to these meetings and learned about my controlling homosexual spirit, classes given by Phil and another woman, I don’t remember her name, I’ll call her “Mary”. She took an immediate dislike to me, and in the group counseling meeting she set me up and nailed me the wall in a very painful and humiliating way, I still remember the faces of the other women in the room, looking down, afraid to say anything, as “Mary” asked sweetly if she could “pray for me” after emotionally eviscerating me.
This group was for the discussion of some powerfull issues, childhood sexual abuse, rejection, you know, tons of very sensitive stuff, I was dealing with some pretty horrendous things in my life at that time and to be verbally raped was not high on my list of healing activities.
I am a Christian, I am dealing with my emergence from the actual issues of my sexual sins/damage (sort of alternate lifestyle damaging stuff) but I think it’s dangerous to let unqualified people loose on a very vulnerable population, like those who would seek assistance from an organization such as P.F.
Anyway, I guess I am still sensitive about that horrid experience, especially at such a vulnerable time in my ife, now I’d let her have it back, then…I had no defenses.
I think it is two totally different issues whether groups such as PF leave something to be desired in their methods and whether change is possible. I cannot believe how much bad advice I have gotten from other christians ranging from making lists of everyone I need to forgive as a “cure all” for everything to quickie “steps to spiritual freedom” seminars to five steps to perfect christian kids lectures. the evangelical world is rife with quick fixes and clueless people who have way inflated ideas of thier answers for other people. BUT lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater. I know ex gays that have changed. they did not do it through ministries. one person got a big tongue lashing from a prominant ex gay for daring to go to non exodus counselor instead of thru their approved path. a very relaible source had a horrendous experience iwth that ministry in tennessee. I could write a book on how the church world really offers inadequete resources for healing (ironically I think a lot of it is due to their big love affair wtih the “recovery” movement) and then the world shifts the atandard rather than looking closly at what the church is really teaching as an agent of change. I would finally add that simply stating it is a lifelong struggle in no ways negates the ex gay viewpoint. I know many recovering alcoholics who struggle daily to not take a drink. no one would ever normalize alcholism because for many of them it is not a done deal. I do believe though, that the bible does promise victory and if that victory doesnt come then one is approaching it the wrong way. these groups are big on either surface fixes or products of the churches love affair with psychology…real biblical power of the word rightly applied can blow the world apart and offer victory.
I attended PF in ’95-’97. I was not “cured” of my same-sex attractions, but I also did not find it harmful in any way. I found the leadership there to be kind and compassionate and enjoyed the fellowship I experienced. I was attending a conservative Bible college at the time where there was no safe space to talk about my homosexuality. PF was a breath of fresh air where I could finally come to grips with my sexual orientation after living for so long in denial.
i dont have a comment but request if someone can direct me or help me with my own stuggle with being gay,i was raised to be hetro and tryed my best and even got married and had a son,iam 42 now and still struggle with it and just need some help in all this acceptance of who iam and who i should be,iam sorry if this is way off the subject iam just in such need and was hoping to find some help in my struggle to all this,robert if anyone knows of someone or place to help me sort this all out once and for all please email me,rlundoregon@wmconnect.com
robert,
there are many many resources and we’d be happy to provide some to you. So that we may better assist you, can you please tell us the following:
1. Do you have religious concerns? If so, what is your religious background?
2. Are you still married and with your wife? If not, are you on good terms? There are organizations specifically geared towards helping her, as well.
3. What would you like to be your eventual goal?
4. Have you attempted reorientation? If so, with whom?
5. I assume you live in Oregon. Are you in or near any major cities?
I hope we can help