Exchange, the ex-gay ministry of an Assemblies of God Church in Winter Park, FL which seats about 5,000, was profiled in New Man Magazine, a Christian publication for men. The reporter visited one of Exchange’s weekly Monday night meetings and observed the leader John Wallcott and the 15 or so attendees.
Although a love-letter to ex-gay efforts, this article provides insight into the functioning and methods of Exodus ministries and has both similarities and sharp contrasts to the propaganda and claims of the national organization and its leaders. In particular, I noticed:
Language – the reporter was astute enough to notice that ex-gay ministries use language in a manner other than does both the gay community and the church as a whole. This redefinition of words is one aspect of the ex-gay movement that I find most troubling as it serves both to create false impressions among participants and to deceive for the purpose of achieving political gain.
Just as those who are openly gay have a vocabulary all their own, the vocabulary at groups such as Exchange is specific to those in the ex-gay community. Instead of “gay,” the wording is more specific to those who have come out of the gay lifestyle: they talk of “gay tendencies” or the struggle with “same-sex attraction.”
Occasionally there is talk about a Christian with gay tendencies who “acts out” or “falls,” which, more bluntly, means they had sexual intercourse with another man.
Identity – it seems that there is an increasing emphasis on the part of Exodus on self-labeling and identity. Alan Chambers has said more than once that a gay identity is sinful and much of Exodus’ rhetoric contrasts being gay with identity as a Christian. In the article, Randy Thomas, the communications director at Exodus International said, “When people can find their identity in God and not homosexuality, all their relationships shift, producing fruit–including healthy heterosexual relationships.” However, the ministry itself did not – as best could be determined from the article – emphasize the sinfulness of identity.
Gay Lifestyle – As seems consistent throughout all ex-gay ministries and in all levels, there was quite a bit of emphasis put on “the gay lifestyle”.
“We all have a choice,” Westcott tells the men who attend Exchange. “With Christ’s help we can make the right personal choices. We have to choose life in Christ over a gay lifestyle.”
“I was very fortunate to have great relationships right after I became a Christian,” Westcott says. “It is because of those relationships that I walked away from the gay lifestyle as quickly as I did.”
This language seems to lack a meaning, at least in the context of Exchange. Westcott, himself, left a seven year committed relationship to become ex-gay. Yet Westcott describes this as a “gay lifestyle”.
Cafeteria “Causes” – Exodus is insistent upon the causes of homosexuality, though there is little to nothing to support their proclamations other than blind belief. And these are taught at Exchange as factual.
“There are many root causes [for homosexuality],” Westcott says. “But some of the common denominators are: A breakdown in a same-sex parent relationship, not relating to other male peers, an early exposure to sexuality and sexual abuse.”
And if someone clearly does not fit the model, it is all explained away by bad fathering. Rick, an Exchange participant, is a prime example
Rick says he never decided logically as a teenager to become a homosexual. Instead, he felt attracted to the same sex when he was only in elementary school.
“In my mind, it was something like a crush,” he says.
He grew up in a Christian home and accepted Christ as a boy–about the same time he first started feeling an attraction to other men. His parents never abused him physically. No one sexually abused him. But he never connected with his father and instead went to his mother with questions and needs.
He takes issue with those who say that being gay is all about genetics. He insists he wasn’t “born gay,” but because of a faulty relationship with his father, his sexual identity was thrown off-kilter at a young age.
“More than anything, I think it was a longing to be loved and accepted by another guy,” he says.
Role Models – Every ex-gay ministry I’ve come across places great importance on personal testimonies. Often these testimonies will be out-dated failures (such as Michael Johnston), will leave out relevant information (such as Alan Chamber’s extremely delayed marriage consummation), or ignore the obvious questions. The article follows the latter pattern.
“I just celebrated 12 years of coming out of the lifestyle on July 23,” says Randy Thomas of Exodus International. “And Exodus has been around for 30 years. For him to say that is to deny an entire group of people.”
New Man fails to notice that Randy had spent 12 years without a romantic relationship of any sort and has only recently begun dating.
A Lack of Tangible Success – Although Alan Chambers claims hundreds of thousands who “walk away from homosexuality”, this article provides a more realistic story.
At an Exchange meeting, Westcott asks some of the men how their weeks have been. Some refuse to answer, others say, “Fine,” and stare at the floor.
“Fine?” Westcott asks. “Fine is the Christian ‘F’ word. How are we really doing?”
After some of the guys confess that they haven’t stayed accountable that week, he reminds them why they meet in the first place.
Politics – While a political (and often partisan) agenda seems to be the primary function of Exodus International, it seems missing from story about the local ministry.
This article demonstrates that Exodus and its member affiliates are very different entities. And Exodus does not fare well by the comparison.
I do not share Exchange’s beliefs about homosexuality, sin, or God’s judgment of same-sex relationships. But I do feel compassion for the men in this article. Clearly they are at war with themselves. And I really don’t know what the answer is for them.
Many will never be able to accept their orientation, yet feel compelled to act out sexually in anonymous encounters. And while behaving in a way that they find unacceptable and lacking the contacts, network, and information available from gay-supportive sources, they may engage in behaviors that are unsafe or destructive. I truly don’t know whether these sort of weekly meetings enable a cycle of destructive thinking or if they provide the only source for self-control that some participants need.
Others may be able in time to pass through this process into one of self acceptance. And many former ex-gays have said that ex-gay ministries helped resolve issues they had with compulsive or destructive behaviors or helped them finding a closer relationship with God.
Ultimately it is up to each participant to find their own path to peace. But I believe Exodus does a great disservice to the men in the room on Monday nights at Calvary Assembly of God when they spend their resources on politics and on perpetuating myths about a “lifestyle” or the “evils” of “homosexual activists”. This article shows such suffering and it is beyond me how Exodus can look away and spend its significant resources on lobbying legislators and making anti-gay statements to Christian news media.
Much of John Westcott’s story is at an article, which unlike the one you have quoted here, named, “A Light in the Closet,” is named “Into the Closet” by Barry Yeoman. From that article (originally written in 2000 for Salon):
The part about Rick is very sad and shows the true hucksterism of these organizations. They can come up with any flaw to pin homosexuality on. Rick wasn’t abused, had a loving home, but wow, he didn’t feel loved by his father. If every person out there who had problems with their father or was babied by their mother was gay, then there would be about 50 straight people in the world.
He sounds like even he doesn’t buy it. He’s talking more out of reaction of what he doesn’t want to be – “waving a rainbow flag” “jumping into bed with every guy” than wanting to be straight. That’s one of the reasons I wish that there were more gay role models out there, although the ex-gay groups would ignore them.
The part about the gay men not being obviously gay because they don’t have the right clothes or mannerisms makes me laugh. It’s obvious that the article is intended for people who have never met gays, and never wants to meet them.
Isn’t Calvary Assembly in Winter Park the church Alan Chambers is affiliated with?
I subscribed to New Man Magazine for several years (a difficult admission), which is closely but not officially related to the dwindling Promise Keepers movement. The last issue I received had an article for fathers recommending they help their teenaged sons be accountable by ‘checking in’ monthly to report sexual fantasies and masturbatory frequency. Talk about an untested plan with a high possibility of screwing up kids and creating liars. Off topic, but that’s the context for this article and similar anti-gay rhetoric cloaked with ‘compassion’ in New Man Mag.
It strikes me that you see others through the lens with which you yourself operate… you condemn Exodus for having a political aim, whereas it is very clear that your own aims are political. You deny that someone could change their sexual orientation because to see that happen would take the floor out of your own rationalizations of your own choices. (This is who I am and can’t change, so it is OK for me to express my sexuality by homosexual means.)
The gay movement clamors for “tolerance” but has none towards anyone who thinks differently!
If these people believe that they can change and are taking steps to do so, what does that have to do with you? … Well, it does have everything to do with you, because you have to ask yourself: what if they are right? What if being gay and “acting out” is not OK?
Tom,
Thanks for commenting. Unfortunately you seem to be confused about a few things.
Yes, I am political. But I don’t profess to be a ministry. I don’t claim that I speak for God… in the political sphere. I don’t seek to enforce my religious convictions through the edict of law. Ex-gay ministries, sadly, often do. And that I believe is immoral and an affront to God.
Second, we do not fault those who seek to change their orientation. We are sympathetic. Many of us have been there.
We do, however, oppose lies. Sadly, many ex-gay ministries seem to believe that it isn’t enough to seek reorientation because they think this is what God wants. Instead they seem to think that they have to demonize gay people as well.
So they lie. And we see it as our obligation to shine the light of truth on those lies so that people such as yourself will not be deceived by their claims.
But you must be willing to open your eyes, Tom. If you choose to believe what someone tells you just because they call themself Christian, you will set yourself up to be fooled. I hope you are mature enough to be able to measure objective truth.
We also counter their efforts to seek political gains by using the hopes and dreams of others. They tell politicians wild claims about reorientation in order to achieve partisan political votes… but those claims simply don’t stand up to inspection.
If Exodus were simply a ministry that was honest in its motivations and claims, we would not need to counter them.
The last issue I received had an article for fathers recommending they help their teenaged sons be accountable by ‘checking in’ monthly to report sexual fantasies and masturbatory frequency.
Ugh. That’s cringe-worthy. It reminds me of the scene in American Pie in which Eugene Levy’s character came in to have the birds and bees discussion with his kid. Yikes.
OK… back to the topic