It’s encouraging to see the spate of recent articles like this opinion piece from the Palm Springs Desert Sun, talking honestly about certain kinds of reckless behavior in the gay community (in this case, use of crystal meth) and how we can combat them.
I question the emphasis on low self-esteem as the scapegoat for the gay community’s ills–I’d rather we emphasize self-control and personal responsibility–but we’re clearly going in the right direction in taking up this conversation.
I bet you’ve already guessed how I’ll link this back to the ex-gay question, right? If you read the testimonials of famous ex-gays (Steve Bennett, John Paulk, etc.) you can’t help but notice that when these people were out as gay they completely lost their sense of boundaries and of right and wrong. Later, as "ex-gays," they blame the various dysfuntions they indulged in (drug abuse, bulimia, prostitution) on the fact that they were gay.
Blaming the "gay community" sure seems like a convenient way for them to avoid taking responsibilty for their own behavior, dontcha think? Still, there’s probably a kernel of truth there… Chances are, their gay friends were not questioning their reckless behavior, and in fact may have been enabling it. Sometimes we out gays are reluctant to encourage responsible behavior in our friends because we don’t want to be viewed as another moralizing voice. While the "gay community" isn’t responsible for the bad choices of Paulk, Bennett, et al, it’s possilbe we did contribute to driving them into the arms of the ex-gay movement. If I thought my only options were to be a drug-addicted slut or ex-gay, I’d choose ex-gay every time.
I’m no prude, and I’m not saying that gay people need to hold to moral standards we find arbitrary–but I do think engaging in a dialogue about creating a more meaningful life is a great idea. Let’s have fun (life is fun! sex is fun!), while remembering to love ourselves, and each other, and act responsibly.
I tend to be more of the school of thought that nobody ever really changes their sexual orientation. Certainly celibate gays can be considered “ex-gays” but to me it’s nothing more than tricking one’s self to believe one has become a functioning heterosexual.
That said, BOTH meth and pretending you’re more than just a celibate homosexual are both just forms of reckless behavior and lying to one’s self to deal with the unpleasant reality of life.
In the case of Paulk and Bennett, one sort of false escape (drugs) has been replaced by another (pretending they’re straight). The truly healthy person would find necessary structure and balance as a celibate homosexual Christian. (hence the monastic tradition)
If I thought my only options were to be a drug-addicted slut or a monk, hmmm …. tough call
Nice post. I’ve written a reply here:
https://gayspirituality.typepad.com/blog/2005/04/meth_depression.html
joe p., thanks for linking to your response! i liked your post and found little to disagree with.
my reference to “drug-addicted sluts” was not clear enough. my intended point was that “druggy slut” and “ex-gay” are NOT the only options available for gays; however, ex-gays often speak as if those are the only two choices…
The religious right and ex-gay groups focus on movies like “Circuit 2001” and extrapolate that this is how all gays behave. I am not a “circuit boy” and I have never used drugs. I am also not saying that the hetero world is free from its problems either. All I’m saying that this drug-sex-all the time world is all that some people see about our community. And sometimes it makes it harder to overcome this stigma.