In an article on the Christian webzine Boundless, Exodus Youth’s Mike Ensley offers advice to those who “struggle with same-sex attraction” but who do not find themselves turning into heterosexuals.
While some of what Mike spouts is parroting dogmatic nonsense (“Homosexuality is an experience you have, it’s not a thing that you are”), he also gives some practical advice that would be useful for avoiding anything that you find a temptation. And Mike broaches a subject that I believe is too often hidden from the public face of ex-gay ministries.
Stop obsessing about how much you will (or won’t) enjoy heterosexual sex
You’ve thought about it, and so have I. What if I don’t enjoy sex with my spouse? What if I still want to have sex with other men (or women, if you’re a woman)? The skeptics certainly say all the time that we “ex-gays” only have sexually frustrated lives ahead of us.
I believe this is an important question for those pursuing change to consider. Unfortunately, I think that Mike gives advice that displays immaturity and self delusion.
People often ask me if I have sexual fantasies about women now, because that’s what the world would consider change. But God wants me to change not into a man who still wraps himself up in self-absorbed fantasy, but one who’s ready to put my wife before myself — and put Him first.
Afraid you won’t enjoy the sex? Well, if your priority is your own satisfaction and the living out of your overly-developed obsessions, no, you won’t enjoy the intimacy of sex within marriage. You know what? Neither would an “ever-straight” with the same mindset. They might be able to marry according to their worldly desires, but it will never fulfill the endless hunger of selfishness. Real closeness grows out of commitment to a person, and following God’s will.
Don’t worry; sex God’s way will be the best.
In other words, don’t worry that you aren’t attracted sexually to the opposite sex. Just think of sex as a duty to God and this will fulfill you sexually.
I know many who read here have tried exactly that approach. Perhaps some of you can share whether Mike’s advice is likely to lead to happiness… or to broken homes and devastated lives.